On Finding Love

I wasn't depressed, but I certainly wasn't ecstatic. In fact, I was a little nervous.

I had finally accepted that the single, age-appropriate guys in my life were either not interested in me that way or they were and weren't doing anything about it. Either way, the results were the same. I wasn't dating anyone.

The problem wasn't that I wasn't dating anyone but that it seemed like there was no one to date. I lived in a small town, but people get married in small towns all the time, and not just 18-21 year olds, so I didn't blame my town. I blamed my lifestyle. I worked in a small medical office where the patients tended to be quite a bit older than me (although I did date the only two age-appropriate patients we ever had, one of them for a few months even), I attended church where the only single guys were jail bait (under 18) or worm bait (old), and I had a pretty tight-knit group of friends. This group did include a few guys; however, please refer back to the previous paragraph.

Sitting at my work computer, after business hours, I typed my profile paragraph. How does one sum up who they are in a paragraph? How do you capture that wonderful personality, breath-taking sense of humor, and quirky looks in such a way as to attract the guy you're going to be with for the rest of your life? Okay, I didn't honestly believe I'd meet my future husband online. In fact, I was banking on it. The thought of spending a lifetime admitting to anyone who asked that we had met online wasn't appealing at all! Nope, all I wanted from this experience was to have a little fun, meet some good guys and maybe some crazies (but NO scaries), and maybe get some free meals/entertainment.

It wasn't until later that night that the possibility of no one being interested in my online profile occurred to me. What's worse than having a few guys not being interested? Having a whole world wide web of guys not be interested. Or so I thought. The next morning, I checked my online account and the only guy who had shown any interest had the worst grammar, spelling, and punctuation that I had ever seen in a post elementary school person. Not only that, but he sounded really, really weird. Great, I thought, the only men I attract online are weirdos.

Turns out, I got what I wanted from my online experience. I met and dated several really good guys, exchanged emails with a couple harmless crazies, and was treated to some great free food and entertainment. One guy even took me to a Cirque du Soleil show in Vegas, helping me cross an item off my Bucket List.

In addition to all that, I found Love. Heart-consuming, tears-of-joy-producing, mind-enhancing and befuddling Love. Love that is as quiet and gentle as a rain drop sliding off a flower petal. There is passion, but it goes deeper than passion. He is my best friend, the person that understands me almost as much as my mother does, though give him a couple years and he might surpass her. He enters my mind as soon as I wake up, and thoughts of him send me off to sleep every night. When he gathers me up into his arms, I feel peace and truly at home. I may not always be in a good mood when I'm around him, but he improves whatever mood I'm having; no matter how rotten I'm feeling or for whatever reason, being around him lightens my spirits. If I had to choose between him and a lifetime supply of free chocolate, I'd choose him and never regret the decision.

For a long time, I didn't want to ever get married. Then, when I started to want it, I felt sure I would never find a guy who would want to marry me that I would also want to marry. Steve came as a surprise, the best and most pleasant surprise imaginable. Being married to him feel as easy as being single was except now there's someone on the weekends to kill me at Wii Battleship. Today, we celebrate our 2nd Valentine's Day together; I hope it's the second of many, many more. He is my hero, my lover, my friend, my partner in goofiness, my sous chef, my bed warmer, and my husband. I love him with all my heart and am honored to be the one he chose to spend the rest of his life with.

On this Valentines Day, I hope you are surrounded by the people who love you and that you love. Or, if you're far away from the ones you love, I hope that you know that you are loved by them. Wouldn't it be great if we all took just a few moments to let the people in our lives know that they are loved by us?

Here's my Valentine to all of you, because I love you!

Happy Valentines Day!

Late V-Day Post

Who needs a boyfriend to enjoy Valentines Day? Not me!

I had a pretty nice, albeit lazy and/or relaxing, Valentines Day. Last Friday (the 13th - oooh!), I drove north to spend the weekend with my cousins for one of our cousins weekends. We stayed up too late, of course, finally getting to sleep around 5am. We took our time getting up and getting ready so didn't leave Aly's house 'til around 4pm - not bad, considering. We stopped at Kohl's to do some shopping. I bought three necklaces; they were on sale so I got three for the price I had planned on spending for one! Aly bought sunglasses and Cassie bought a pair of earrings and a few rings. We had decided to go low-budget for this weekend, so we went grocery shopping and bought items for two quick yet delicious meals. It was a good idea, because we saved money, ate good food that was a lot better for us, and had fun cooking together. We made herbed chicken with feta cheese and roma tomatoes for Saturday night and chicken, spinach, and cheese pizza for Sunday's lunch. Mmmm. They were good. We spent the evening watching romantic movies - Memoirs of a Geisha (an odd romance, but still a romance) and Only You (cheesy, but fun). It was nice hanging out with the girls; talking, laughing, sharing secrets, solving the world's problems, bonding.

When I arrived home Sunday evening, I discovered this surprise left for me by my roommates:

The big heart reads "Happy Valentines Day!". Isn't it sweet? They had thought about putting hearts all over the front door (this is my bedroom door), but were afraid that the weather wouldn't be kind to the hearts. They didn't want me to know who had done it, but since whoever had done it had access to my bedroom door, I knew it was them. They are so great!

Monday night, I went to my Dad's house for a little while. When my parents were married, he used to give me a single flower every year for Valentines Day. This year, he restarted the tradition and threw in a few other presents for fun. He gave me a red rose, a teddy bear, and a movie:

(Yeah, yeah, I know it's not a quality picture. I should have closed the blinds but I didn't. Sorry!)

My step-sister was there with her son - he's a cutie! It was good to sit and visit with my dad and everyone. My dad is different from how he was a few years ago; he's more like the man I remember as my dad while growing up. I can tell that he's happy and that makes me happy. My little sister is growing up to be a smart, beautiful, young lady. We have a lot in common and are both BIG daddy's girls. She loaned me a book that I'm really enjoying. In fact, all the books she has loaned me have been fabulous (if you haven't read Fablehaven, try it! The second and third books in the series are even better than the first).

After Dad's, I went to my brother's house because his kids had valentines to give me. Brooke gave me a tweetie bird valentine and Porter's was a snake skin valentine. We played a couple games on their Wii then played one of my favorite games, Foul Play, which I have nicknamed Chickens and Wolves. It's such a simple game, but I love it! Brooke even let me have a piece of chocolate. She told her mom before I came that I can't have food any more so they'd better put away all the sweets. We can't convince her that that rule was only for the 10 days before my surgery and I can now eat food again. She's such a nurturer, it's cute!

All in all, it was a good Valentines - day and weekend!

Past Dates II

Homecoming Dance 1994
I had had an on-again-off-again crush on Keith since the summer after my sophomore year when we had held hands on his cousin’s porch one evening, so I was ecstatic when we finally started dating…and kissing…a few weeks before the Homecoming Dance. When he asked me to the dance, I was thrilled – it was my first dance date with a bona fide boyfriend. We were going with a few of his (our) friends and their dates (including Missy!). Have I mentioned how excited I was? Well, I was.

The morning of the date, I met Melissa (who sadly was going to the dance in another group) at McDonald’s for hot chocolate. Melissa, do you remember why we did this? I don’t any more; in fact, I just now remembered that we did! Anyhoo, I then returned home to prepare for the activity portion of the date: bowling.

Keith picked me up in his old green car, and one of the other couples, Ben (not Missy’s current husband) and Stacy, were with him. He gave me an arrangement of six red roses that were gorgeous and wonderfully fragrant. I love getting flowers. At some point we must have met up with the other two couples, Bryan and Missy and Matt and Brooke (wow, it took me a bit to remember who the last couple was – it was so long ago!), because I remember following Bryan’s car out to the bowling alley. At least…we followed them for a little while. A few miles from the bowling alley, Keith’s car ran out of gas and died! He pulled over and was not a happy camper. He hit the dashboard in frustration, breaking it. That made it worse. It probably didn’t help that I wasn’t being very successful at holding back my giggles. Ben and Stacy hopped out of the car and went somewhere – to this day I don’t know where they went – so we were alone. I had to work hard, but eventually I lightened Keith’s mood. We decided to hitchhike to the nearest gas station, so we got out of the car and crossed the road so we’d be on the same side as the cars traveling the way we wanted to go. It started to snow. Neither of us wore coats. I giggled. He didn’t.

Rather quickly, a small, white truck pulled over and we explained our dilemma to the driver. He offered us a ride and we hopped in, first arranging the numerous grocery bags filled with heaven-only-knows-what so we could fit. At the gas station, Keith bought a red, plastic gas can-thingy and started putting gas in it. I insisted on staying with him despite the cold and snow and his bad mood, so I witnessed him overfilling the can and gas spraying all over him. I was far enough away to avoid getting splashed, but it totally got him. You can probably guess that his mood didn’t improve and that I found it all absolutely hilarious. Poor Keith, he wasn’t having much luck. He put up with me surprisingly well, though, which, looking back, I can now really appreciate.

Oh, when we first arrived at the gas station, we had called the bowling alley (remember, this is before cell phones) and had told our friends what had happened, and Bryan left to come get us. He showed up shortly after the can was (over)filled and took us to Keith’s car. We arrived at the bowling alley just in time to leave. At some point, Ben and Stacy found us, either at the car or the bowling alley, I don’t remember now. We headed to the college’s science building, where Bryan’s dad worked, and watched a movie in his dad’s room on a big screen. It was a good show, nice and romantic, and I cuddled up to Keith despite the reek of gas coming from his clothes. He slowly started to be happier and by the end of the movie, he was fine. We must have eaten at some point, but I don’t remember when or what. I’m sure it was yummy and fun. How’s that?

Keith took me home to get ready for the dance. Two of my friends who weren’t going to the dance were there to do my hair for me. They did a really good job – it looked really nice, if I do say so myself. It was kind of a French twist, but with a tweak, and they incorporated some baby’s breath from the roses Keith had given me. When I walked down the stairs, Keith was there, looking stunning in his tux. I’ll always cherish the look on his face when he saw me. I have never ever felt so beautiful, and it was because I could tell he thought I was.

The rest of the night was absolutely perfect. He treated me like a princess, while we danced he whispered sweet things; telling me how much he loved me, how beautiful I was, how lucky he felt to be there with me. A lot of the time, we didn’t talk; we just gazed into each others' eyes, smiling. Us being us, we also kidded around a lot, laughing a lot. An acquaintance later told me that she had watched us dancing and had gotten a kick out of how much fun we were having and how totally into each other we were. I remember wishing that the night would never end. Being with him, dancing with him, being held by him was heaven and I didn’t want to ever leave.

It did end, of course. At this point the plan was to go home, but no one wanted the date to be over, so we ended up going to Keith’s house to watch a movie. He and I cuddled the whole time. I love cuddling during movies. He finally took me home and we talked and kissed on my porch ‘til we finally managed to say good night and he left.

Keith certainly had his faults as a boyfriend, and I certainly had mine as his girlfriend, but I will always love him for many reasons; one being this date. So many things went wrong at the beginning (which, like I’ve mentioned, I found funny), and even though it frustrated him and he got upset, I knew then and I know now that he got upset because he wanted so much to impress me, to show me a good time. Plus, no one has ever made me feel so special or so loved as he did that night.

Wherever you are, Keith, thank you for such a great memory.

Past Dates I

My first date
My very first date was a blind date a few days after I turned 16. One of my friends, Christine, who was a senior in high school while I was a lowly sophomore, was going to the Graduation Dance with a guy from a nearby town (let's say his name is Mike) and he was bringing one of his friends to be my date. Another couple rounded out the group. The plan was to meet at the park for dinner, go to Christine's house for games, then head to the dance.

Well, Mike's car broke down on the way here. This was before the prevalence of cell phones, so when our dates didn't arrive on time, we wondered what had happened. After awhile, Christine's dad came to the park to inform us that Mike had called with an explanation of why they were late and that they should arrive in time to play games. This is when I found out that my date was a Mexican student staying with Mike's family for the summer; his name was Jorge. While we ate, the guy from the other couple kept purposefully mispronouncing my date's name. It stuck in my head. When Mike and Jorge arrived, I discovered that my date was a head shorter than me and didn't speak English hardly at all. We played games and at one point I mispronounced Jorge's name and everyone laughed. Except me, who turned bright red, and Jorge, who had no idea what was going on.

After games, I returned home to dress for the dance. Unfortunately, I only had high heels, so the height difference was even worse. The dance was miserable. I tried to talk to him, but he couldn't understand me. It was my first date, I was uncomfortable anyway, and not being able to converse with my date made me feel worse. Dancing didn't help. He was so short! His face was just at that perfect level to make me feel the maximum discomfort. I took my shoes off for pictures so I would be closer to his height - it didn't help.

When the date finally ended, I asked Mike to drop me off at my dad's since Mom and my brothers were out of town that weekend. I jumped out of the car, turned to Jorge, told him it was nice to meet him, said the same to Mike, and said good-bye to Christine in about 10 seconds flat. Then I rushed to the front door before realizing that Jorge had started to get out of the car, ostensibly to walk with me to the door. I turned around, waved, opened the door, went inside, and closed the door, thankful the date was over.

It took 14 years before I'd agree to another blind date.