There's something about Autumn that makes me want to be a brunette. Maybe because I like how orange, red, gold, brown, and other typical "Fall color" clothes look on me when I have brown hair compared to when I'm blond. Maybe because brown is a Fall color and blond is bright and better suited for Spring. Whatever the reason, I definitely feel the pull to dye my hair a nice, rich, brown every Fall. This one included.
And yet, I always hesitate before I dye my hair brown.
It's not that I have never dyed my hair brown before. In fact, I started dying my hair brown more than 17 years ago. I like having darker hair. My blue eyes stand out more when my hair is dark. I feel a little exotic with dark hair.
And still I hesitate to do it.
After several years of being a brunette and morbidly obese, I lost 90 lbs and went blond as my "reward". I stayed blond for two years while I was getting skinnier, so now I kind of associate being blond with being skinnier and brunette with being fat (with just me, of course, not everyone). Then last year, I chopped my blond hair off really short then a few months later dyed it brown. I didn't like it. I didn't feel like me. Not a good time to try dark hair again.
Despite that feeling, I feel this strong urge to dye my hair brown. Maybe to prove that I can be a brunette and skinny and look good since my hair has grown out more and I like the cut? I even bought hair dye a few days ago.
Still, I hesitate.
Really, it's about change and how hard it is sometimes for me to adjust to changes. I never struggle with going blond after being brunette because I know how easy it is for me to dye my hair brown if I tire of my color. It's much harder to go blond after being brunette. I can't do it myself, it's a long-ish process, and it's expensive.
This week, Steve and I learned that our life is going to go through a fairly big change by the end of this year. Nothing horrible or even hugely dramatic, just a change. It will affect him more than me, but it will impact both of us. We thought we had the next couple years planned out and it's been a little unsettling to have those plans change and to not know what life has in store for us. Change is a little scary for that very reason. I like to know (or think I know) what's going to happen.
I honestly think that this upcoming change is going to be a blessing, though it may not feel like one right now. Change can be a good thing. It makes us re-evaluate our priorities, sweep away cobwebs, learn, adapt, hopefully improve. As much as I sometimes love being in a rut, change can lead me down paths that are exciting, beautiful, and interesting. I had a hard time adjusting to the change of working full-time again, but now I realize how much of a blessing it was for me to get this job. It makes the upcoming change a lot easier for me to handle. And, I'm meeting lots of great people and learning lots of new things. I'm a better person for having gone through that change.
So, tonight, I'm dying my hair.