Thursday, July 23, 2015

Diamond v Pebble

Last night, I stayed up way too late reading. I didn't stay awake in order to keep reading; I couldn't sleep so figured I might as well read. I came across this Chinese proverb: Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one. My first thought was, That makes sense. I tried to continue with the story, but I kept thinking about the proverb. In a moment of clarity, I realized that I am more like a pebble than a diamond - taking the flaw part out of the equation. And, I'm okay with that.

It's hard sometimes to not compare myself with the women in my life. Most of them are thinner than me, wear stylish clothes, look great even without makeup, and seem so put together. I still have 35 pounds to lose to get to my pre-pregnancy weight (and am making no progress); I wear loose-fitting clothes that are definitely more comfortable than stylish (not that clothes can't be both, but mine aren't); mascara and facial lotion are the extent of my makeup most days; and now that my hair is long enough, it's usually in a pony tail. I'm usually okay with these choices, until I get around these other women in my life, then I feel like a drudge. It's not their fault and I certainly don't blame them.

While thinking about diamonds versus pebbles, I though about how many members of my family collect pebbles. My mom has dozens on her back patio that she has picked up from all over. Each one is unique in size, shape, color, and texture. My son loves to play with them. Even though I don't collect pebbles, wherever I go, my eyes scan the earth looking at the different rocks, appreciating the variety.

I'm a pebble. It's the choice I make. My husband loves me and thinks I'm beautiful. My son adores me and doesn't think about the clothes I wear, how my hair is done, or my lack of makeup when he cuddles into my plump body or gazes into my eyes with a huge smile. Someday, he'll realize that some of his friends have younger, cuter, thinner moms, but I know he'll still love me because I'm his mama.

I don't need to feel unattractive when I'm around women who are more attractive than me. They may be diamonds or emeralds or rubys or granite, but I'm a pebble and am proud of it. I'm unique. I'm simple. I'm strong and dependable. I'm down-to-earth. I'm beautiful.