Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Giving Up

I'm sorry, I really am.

I've decided not to write a major post about my cruise. Not that it wasn't a worthy vacation, I'm just lazy and busy (if it's possible to be both at the same time). The few times I've had the time to download photos off my camera, I've not wanted to. Instead, I want to watch football or read (currently ingesting the Fablehaven series like there's no tomorrow) or sleep or something.

It hasn't helped that my fellow cruisers have already written about it, so I can be really lazy and send you here and here if you want details about our trip. Just remember when you look at the pictures - I was sick! No, that doesn't explain everything, but it makes me feel a little better.

Side note: Recently, a friend posted about girls saying they look ugly when they're getting their pictures taken. Warnser, just so you know, I didn't say anything when the pictures were being taken; however, I had a lot to say when I saw them on those blogs! :)

Anyhoo, Cassie and Framed covered most of the details. They missed one story but that's because it happened to me, not them. Even though I've shared it with many of you, I'll tell it quickly here, for those of you who haven't heard it.

For our second port, Halifax, Nova Scotia, we signed up for a shore excursion that allowed us to "hop on and hop off" of a double-decker bus. There were various stops and we could spend as much or as little time as we wanted at each stop. We first rode the bus around the entire circuit - to see what our options were and because it was raining. On the second go, we stopped at a pretty park/garden. We walked around taking pictures of the flowers, plants, statues, swans, etc. then bought ice cream (even though it was rainy) at a shop in the park. As we consumed our treats, we realized we were hungry and that there were nearby restaurants, so we walked to a lovely Italian place that served yummy food. We discussed the other places we'd like to "hop off" and I slowly realized that I wasn't well enough to go on (I had caught a cold the morning before - Tuesday - and felt pretty crummy the rest of the trip). I said goodbye to Cassie and Framed and walked to the ship since it wasn't very far away - just a few blocks or so.

I like walking in new places - it's easier to get a good look at where you are. Also, you get to observe the people around you. It was very interesting, and since it was a cool day and the way was mostly downhill, I found it to be a very pleasant walk. Eventually, I stumbled (not literally) upon a cemetary with very old-looking gravestones. I stopped to look through the wrought-iron fence to see if I could see dates on the nearest stones. At this point, two good-looking black men approached me. One kept walking past me, but the other stopped on my left side and told me his friend thought I was beautiful. I looked at him like, Is he crazy? (because I was sick and a little rain-drenched and didn't feel pretty at all). He then told me he too thought I was beautiful. I smiled weakly at him and muttered a soft thank you. I turned to walk toward the cemetary entrance - about half a block away. He walked beside me asking if I have a boyfriend who I'm going to marry, where I'm from, why I was in Halifax, etc. When I told him I'm not getting married to anyone, he said I should get married because I'm so beautiful and that he'd marry me. Green card! flashed through my head instantly. I asked him where he was from and he said the Caribbean and asked me to guess where in the Caribbean. I guessed St. Lucia and he looked shocked and said I was right. St. Lucians love me. Anyway, he chatted a bit more 'til we reached the entrance. He asked me to keep walking with him, but I told him I was meeting friends inside the cemetary. He told me that if I changed my mind about marrying him, to let him know, his name was Wilfred. I thanked him and turned away, entering the cemetary.

It just goes to show that you can get proposed to just about any where and any time, even while on a cruise where the average age of cruisers is 65.

Despite being on my deathbed, I enjoyed the trip. Some of the highlights:

1. The million cups of hot chocolate to soothe my sore throat AND to make up for the lack of 24-hour ice cream cones.

2. Fountains. A funny routine put on by the cruise director and a few of the crew for the crew talent show.

3. Laughing with Cassie and Framed uncontrollably 'til our sides hurt. I love it when this happens.

4. The bread. I don't know what it is about cruises, but they always have yummy bread! Mmmm mmmm mmmm.

5. Drugged. Frankly, I'm surprised I remember anything about this cruise - I was taking dramamine and cold medicine and there wasn't a single second of a single day after Tuesday that I didn't have both in my system.

6. Ginger ale flavored cough drops. Why don't we have those in the States???

7. Seeing French on all the signs in New Brunswick. I miss that. It almost felt like I was in Montreal again.

8. Hanging out with Cassie and Framed. They were so patient and understanding. Plus, we had fun together!

9. The security guard in Boston threatening to call for more security when I admitted to not liking the Patriots (which I only did after I took back my boarding pass and passport).

10. Cold weather. It was hard to believe that it wasn't November - it was cold! However, we did get some sun Saturday afternoon. Just enough that I was able to get a sunburn. Of course.

11. Rest and relaxation. Being sick really helped with this. I slept a lot! I went to bed earlier than I ever did on past cruises and slept later than I ever did on past cruises.

Wow. For giving up on doing a post about my cruise, this turned into a pretty long post about my cruise! Huh. Guess that just proves yet again that I talk too much.

Thursday, September 18, 2008


Temptation, thy name is Anthony.

It's been months since I broke up with him, so why is he still vexing me?

He came into my office recently, and we chatted for too long (I ended up being late for my "date" with Melissa.) I still find him extremely good-looking, and he's growing his hair out again, which I find particularly fetching. I haven't seen him in a few weeks, so his handsomeness hit me particularly hard. Curse him!

While we were talking, his mom texted him, asking where he was and if he wanted to eat dinner with them. He texted back that he was talking to me at my work. She asked if I was going out with him again. He read me her question then cocked a single eyebrow at me, "Well, what should I tell her?" He grinned.

I know he still likes me. He still talks about when we get married. He tells me I look pretty. He says other nice things to me. We have a good time together. He makes me laugh, we can talk about everything - nothing is off-limits, and he likes me. I know this. I trust this. This is unusual for me. It's a tempting, tempting idea to give "us" another try.

So, I was tempted to bat my eyelashes and say, Tell her 'yes'. I knew I should shake my head sorrowfully and say, It's probably best that you tell her 'no'. Instead, I chickened out and shot back at him, You haven't asked. What was I thinking???

He told me what he was writing as he wrote. He wrote, I haven't asked her, yet. YET? Who said anything about 'yet'? She wrote back, ASK HER! He showed me her text and I panicked. What if he asked? What would I say?

He looked at me and told me that his mom (and the rest of his family) really likes me and thought that he and I looked really good together. They want us to get back together, he said. I reciprocated by saying that my family had really liked him, too, and especially enjoyed playing games with him.

*Moment of awkward silence. *

I felt like he was gearing up to say something, so I quickly averted the possibility of having to accept or reject him by asking him how his mom's business was going. I followed up his responses with more questions. We went off on this subject for awhile, which led to another tangent, which led to another tangent, etc. 'til I started telling him I needed to go. The subject never came up again.

Whew. Temptation over.

The problem is, I shouldn't be tempted. I have very good reasons for not dating him. I know these reasons very well. They are very good reasons!

Sigh. Heaven help me.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

When I Grow Up...

...I'll have naturally curly hair.

...I won't be afraid of the dark.

...my eyes will change to brown whenever I want them to.

...I'll learn how to french braid.

...I'll stop mentally sticking my tongue out at people when they make me mad.

...I'll grow out my bangs.

...I'll be thin.

...I'll work all day instead of blogging at 2:30pm.

...I'll buy a house with a yard.

...I'll stop eating sugary cereals, this includes not adding sugar to nonsugary cereals (Grape Nuts, etc.).

...I'll wake up before 7:30 A.M.

...I'll learn how to make bread, bake cookies, and not burn fudge.

...I won't sleep with a giant teddy bear (sorry, Norman!).

...I'll never skip church to watch football.

...I'll read more than the comics in the Sunday newspaper.

...I'll actually get the Sunday newspaper (and all the other days').

...I'll watch CSPAN occassionally (even though I may fall asleep while watching it).

...I'll get my tattoo removed.

...I'll clean my bathroom more often.

...I won't care that I'm wearing gold earrings with a silver bracelet.

...I'll wink at myself in the mirror every morning.

...I'll have someone else to wink at every morning.

...I'll dance in the rain, catch snowflakes on my tongue, and pick wildflowers to give my mom.

...I'll actually cook the turkey for Thanksgiving...

...and make pies from scratch.

...I'll have Poker Night once a month - just for fun, no money will change hands.

...I'll finally beat my family at Frisbee Golf.

...I'll have a dog.

...I'll retire and spend winters in the south of France and summers in Sweden. Spring in Japan/Washington DC/anywhere with cherry blossoms and/or lots of tulips. Fall in New England.

Monday, September 15, 2008


Yesterday, I watched football.

I watched it from the moment I got home from Stake Conference 'til the very last second ticked away for the Sunday Night Football game between the Pittsburg Steelers and the Cleveland Browns.

I chose a good time to start watching it, though I wish they would start games later so church wouldn't interfere. Oh well. Anyway, after I started watching, Peyton Manning (my future husband) and the Colts started playing better, tied the game, and eventually won. Next, I watched the San Diego Chargers lose to the Denver Broncos due to a technical difficulty (with the replay equipment) and a end-of-the-game miscall by the head ref that turned an obvious (you know it's obvious if I see it) fumble (retrieved by the Chargers) into an incomplete pass that kept the ball in Bronco hands. Even the less-than-inspired game between the Steelers and Browns was better than not watching football.

I love football.

I love watching it in my sweats, cuddled up in a blanket because it's kind of chilly, eating Whoppers (the candy, people, NOT the burger), drinking ice water, and shouting encouragement to the teams I'm cheering for.

Guess what I'm doing now. Yep, I'm watching Monday Night Football on ESPN, eating Whoppers, drinking ice water. Dallas is playing Philadelphia. I'm not a Cowboys fan, so I'm cheering for the Eagles. My roommate's fiance loves the Cowboys. It's fourth quarter and the Cowboys are up by 1 but looking like they're getting tired. Jeff's playing softball right now and is bummed not to be here watching the game with me. Little does he know that he's better off where he is because now Philly is up by 6.

My friend, Cardine, has a goal to go to a Monday night football game someday. Me, too. Actually, if I had my pick, I'd go to a Detroit Lions game on Thanksgiving Day (it's tradition that they play every Turkey Day). That would be awesome!

Is there anything better than watching football?

For you, maybe. For me, I wouldn't bet on it.

*This is where I should say something about my up-coming cruise post. I should tell you that I haven't even downloaded my pictures off my camera, just so you know not to hold your breath waiting for a cruise post.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008


*A post about my recent cruise is in the works. In the meantime, I thought I'd share with you something a little personal.

For the last few months, I've been struggling. Something happened awhile ago that just crushed me, and I haven't been able to get out from under it. I still find a lot of pleasure in life (especially while looking at the view outside my condo), but I can tell that I'm not the same happy person I usually am.

To totally mix metaphors, I also feel like I've been in a huge crater and can't get out. Actually, I haven't really been trying to get out. Instead, I'm standing in the middle of the crater at the edge of a huge abyss - so deep that all I can see is darkness. And, I've been preparing to jump.

It's been said that when you're at your lowest point you're potentially at you're most humble point, too, and so more receptive to divine guidance. I'm pretty sure I'm not at my lowest point (I'm sure it gets a whole lot worse than where I am), but I've been pretty low. Enter in the divine guidance.

Seriously, on Monday, the number of eye-opening, soul-revealing, getting-hit-with-a-2x4 experiences was a little overwhelming. One came because of a fight with a friend. I learned I need to trust people, especially men, more. Another came from a friend's blog that made me realize that I need to look for and believe in the good in myself (especially my appearance). I also really admire this person's ability to find beauty in others and I want to develop this quality in myself. I had an epiphany while driving Bertha and the Beast to a job (this won't surprise many of you - especially my mom); I need to be a more humble second-in-command at work. History and literature abound with stories of 2nds that get too big for their britches, I don't want to be this way. I want to be the loyal, faithful, helpful 2nd who lifts up her leader and helps him accomplish his goals.

Finally, I need to be a more unselfish friend, daughter, sister, etc. The last couple of days, many people in my life have shown me what it means to love, to be a good friend, to be a good person. They have been the ropes that helped me pull away from the abyss and that are helping me climb out of the crater. I know it may be a long climb, but I finally have the desire to climb and the hope that I can do it.

To all the ropes in my life, thank you. Thank you for your patience, for not giving up on me, for loving me, for helping me with the big stuff and the small stuff. You inspire me to be a better person.

I've always felt that the greatest blessings Heavenly Father has given me are the people in my life. The last couple days have proven it.