I'm pregnant again.
When I miscarried last December, I was a little surprised when Steve said he would like to try again for a kid. It made me feel better because I had worried that he wasn't too thrilled about our very unplanned pregnancy. And, it was something to hold on to when my bout with depression was at its darkest.
We had been advised to wait until after my first period after the miscarriage before we started trying to get pregnant again, so for all of December and a bit into January, we used protection. We gave it up after a month because all we heard and read about suggested that our first quick pregnancy was a bit of a fluke - the average 25-year old woman takes 6 months of trying to get pregnant and the time is lengthened as the woman gets older...and is even longer if the man is more advanced in age (i.e. old, like Steve. *grin*). We figured we had awhile.
My first period after the miscarriage never came and it worried me a little. The first part of February, I decided to see a doctor about it to see if something was wrong, maybe something the miscarriage had caused. Before I went to the doctor, though, I decided to rule out another possibilty and, without telling Steve I was doing it, took a home pregnancy test. It started to turn positive before I had even stood up from the toilet seat. I was stunned. Steve came in to the bathroom to see if I wanted him to make me a mug of hot chocolate before work. I wordlessly showed him the pregnancy stick. He was speechless for a few beats. "Wow," he said, "you must be really fertile."
Big difference between this pregnancy and the last - we knew it could end at any moment and it made us cautious in our excitement. I told my mom a few days after we learned about it because 1) I'm not good at keeping my own secrets and B) my dad and stepmom were visiting us that weekend and I was afraid I'd let it slip and I knew my mom would want to be the first to know. Good thing, too, because I did let it slip and was glad I had told her first. Steve and I decided not to tell anyone else until the 2-month mark, and then only immediate family members. Then we'd tell other people at the 3-month mark.
The thing is, we didn't really know how far along we were because I hadn't had a period. We went to the Air Force base clinic and had the pregnancy confirmed, but they couldn't tell how far along we were with the test they ran. We decided to wait to find out until our first OB doctor visit, but I guessed that I was 3-4 weeks pregnant by the time I took the test, since that's about when we had stopped using protection. And that's about when I had started to feel a little nauseated.
Yesterday, we went to our first OB appointment. I told the nurses about the miscarriage and not having had a period since but that I guessed to be about 8 weeks along, give or take. They were super cool. In fact, I really like the clinic and our doctor. We know several people who have gone there and have only heard good things. Our experience yesterday was wonderful - not a lot of wait time, very friendly staff, nice facility, great doctor, AND they are open later in the evening so I shouldn't have to miss too much work to go to appointments. Yay!
After all the preliminary stuff, the doctor came into the exam room and prepped to do the ultra sound (we'll have one every visit because our insurance pays for them). She said we were going to do a vaginal ultrasound because it would give a better indication of how things are going at this early of a stage. That lasted about half a second. She said, "You're futher along than you think. We're doing an abdominal ultrasound."
Turns out, I'm 13 1/2 weeks pregnant! I was stunned. STUNNED! It means we basically conceived very shortly after the miscarriage! We used protection! Sigh. I guess it was just meant to be.
I can't say I'm totally over the shock of being 5 weeks further along than I had thought, but there are some definite plusses. I was a little sad that I was already beginning to have a bulge at just 2 months. A slight bulge at 3 months is much more acceptable to me...my own standard for my own body, mind you. I've got to admit that after having a flat stomach for the first time in my life, I'm not thrilled with losing it, but I'm sure I'll deal with it. It's not like I'm dieting or anything. Trying to eat healthy = not eating a whole bag of corn chips when the craving overwhelms me.
So, this pregnancy, though somewhat more planned than the last, has definitely held some surprises for us. The big surprise that I'm glad we didn't get is that we don't seem to be having twins. Whew! It was so neat to see the little baby that is growing inside me and to hear its heartbeat. We didn't get to do either the last time, it was too early. We're still pretty cautious about our enthusiasm - the pain and heartbreak from last time is still too recent to forget, but it's nice to know that we've hit a crucial milestone of the first trimester. We know things can still happen, but it's less likely. *knock on wood*
In our shock of being further along than expected, we forgot to get an expected delivery date, so right now we're just looking at September. That's 6 months from now and good enough right now. We'll try to get a more "exact" date at our next appointment. AND, if baby cooperates, we may learn its gender at our next appointment - April 4!
I'll keep you up-dated, of course. *smile*
Showing posts with label my future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my future. Show all posts
Friday, March 08, 2013
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Ready for Change?
There's something about Autumn that makes me want to be a brunette. Maybe because I like how orange, red, gold, brown, and other typical "Fall color" clothes look on me when I have brown hair compared to when I'm blond. Maybe because brown is a Fall color and blond is bright and better suited for Spring. Whatever the reason, I definitely feel the pull to dye my hair a nice, rich, brown every Fall. This one included.
And yet, I always hesitate before I dye my hair brown.
It's not that I have never dyed my hair brown before. In fact, I started dying my hair brown more than 17 years ago. I like having darker hair. My blue eyes stand out more when my hair is dark. I feel a little exotic with dark hair.
And still I hesitate to do it.
After several years of being a brunette and morbidly obese, I lost 90 lbs and went blond as my "reward". I stayed blond for two years while I was getting skinnier, so now I kind of associate being blond with being skinnier and brunette with being fat (with just me, of course, not everyone). Then last year, I chopped my blond hair off really short then a few months later dyed it brown. I didn't like it. I didn't feel like me. Not a good time to try dark hair again.
Despite that feeling, I feel this strong urge to dye my hair brown. Maybe to prove that I can be a brunette and skinny and look good since my hair has grown out more and I like the cut? I even bought hair dye a few days ago.
Still, I hesitate.
Really, it's about change and how hard it is sometimes for me to adjust to changes. I never struggle with going blond after being brunette because I know how easy it is for me to dye my hair brown if I tire of my color. It's much harder to go blond after being brunette. I can't do it myself, it's a long-ish process, and it's expensive.
This week, Steve and I learned that our life is going to go through a fairly big change by the end of this year. Nothing horrible or even hugely dramatic, just a change. It will affect him more than me, but it will impact both of us. We thought we had the next couple years planned out and it's been a little unsettling to have those plans change and to not know what life has in store for us. Change is a little scary for that very reason. I like to know (or think I know) what's going to happen.
I honestly think that this upcoming change is going to be a blessing, though it may not feel like one right now. Change can be a good thing. It makes us re-evaluate our priorities, sweep away cobwebs, learn, adapt, hopefully improve. As much as I sometimes love being in a rut, change can lead me down paths that are exciting, beautiful, and interesting. I had a hard time adjusting to the change of working full-time again, but now I realize how much of a blessing it was for me to get this job. It makes the upcoming change a lot easier for me to handle. And, I'm meeting lots of great people and learning lots of new things. I'm a better person for having gone through that change.
So, tonight, I'm dying my hair.
And yet, I always hesitate before I dye my hair brown.
It's not that I have never dyed my hair brown before. In fact, I started dying my hair brown more than 17 years ago. I like having darker hair. My blue eyes stand out more when my hair is dark. I feel a little exotic with dark hair.
And still I hesitate to do it.
After several years of being a brunette and morbidly obese, I lost 90 lbs and went blond as my "reward". I stayed blond for two years while I was getting skinnier, so now I kind of associate being blond with being skinnier and brunette with being fat (with just me, of course, not everyone). Then last year, I chopped my blond hair off really short then a few months later dyed it brown. I didn't like it. I didn't feel like me. Not a good time to try dark hair again.
Despite that feeling, I feel this strong urge to dye my hair brown. Maybe to prove that I can be a brunette and skinny and look good since my hair has grown out more and I like the cut? I even bought hair dye a few days ago.
Still, I hesitate.
Really, it's about change and how hard it is sometimes for me to adjust to changes. I never struggle with going blond after being brunette because I know how easy it is for me to dye my hair brown if I tire of my color. It's much harder to go blond after being brunette. I can't do it myself, it's a long-ish process, and it's expensive.
This week, Steve and I learned that our life is going to go through a fairly big change by the end of this year. Nothing horrible or even hugely dramatic, just a change. It will affect him more than me, but it will impact both of us. We thought we had the next couple years planned out and it's been a little unsettling to have those plans change and to not know what life has in store for us. Change is a little scary for that very reason. I like to know (or think I know) what's going to happen.
I honestly think that this upcoming change is going to be a blessing, though it may not feel like one right now. Change can be a good thing. It makes us re-evaluate our priorities, sweep away cobwebs, learn, adapt, hopefully improve. As much as I sometimes love being in a rut, change can lead me down paths that are exciting, beautiful, and interesting. I had a hard time adjusting to the change of working full-time again, but now I realize how much of a blessing it was for me to get this job. It makes the upcoming change a lot easier for me to handle. And, I'm meeting lots of great people and learning lots of new things. I'm a better person for having gone through that change.
So, tonight, I'm dying my hair.
Tuesday, August 07, 2012
The Lowdown on My New Job - Part 1
Ever since I moved to northern Utah, I've been applying for full-time jobs at Weber State University. I had loved working at SUU and enjoyed the benefits that came from working in an academic setting. A few times, I came close to being hired on at WSU but was never offered a position. Finally, I gave up and decided to go to school full-time to get a Masters of Accounting degree. Not working was so hard for me - I felt horrible about not contributing to our household income - so, after discussing it with Steve, I applied for and was offered a student hourly position at WSU's student health center. It was great! I worked 20 hours a week, most of the time blogging or doing homework. I developed friendships with the full-time staff there and decided I'd stay there until my schooling was finished in December 2013.
Life threw me a curve ball and I panicked...just a little. Steve failed his physical and started a process that may (we won't know for a few months) lead to him retiring a year earlier than we had planned. The thought of him going out and getting another job while I went to school and my ultra-cushy part-time job made me sick. My goal all the time we've been together, in which time he's brought in the bulk of our income, is to be making enough money that when he retires he can work at whatever job he wants - even if it's a piddly job at a sporting goods store - without worrying about our finances. After 20+ years in the military, I think he's earned the freedom to pick a job that he'll really enjoy.
So, with his earlier-than-expected retirement staring me in the face, I immediately jumped on WSU's employment website and applied for the only full-time Classified Staff position currently open. Steve, when he found out, didn't approve. He preferred that I focus on finishing my degree so I could then get a really good job in my career field instead of taking longer to finish because I'm working full-time. In the end, we compromised and agreed that I would work full-time only at WSU, since my goal is to work there or another university for the rest of my career.
A few weeks went by and my panic had mostly subsided. We had talked things through and had a good plan, so I knew we could weather any outcome. I had forgotten about applying for the position at WSU until the day before our Alaskan cruise when I received a call to set up an interview sometime that week. I was thrilled to be getting the call and was disappointed to have to tell the caller, the secretary, that I was going on a cruise and wouldn't be back until the following week. She said she'd let the hiring committee know and would get back to me. I was hopeful that they'd reschedule for the next week. Later that day, she called and asked about June 25th. I said that would be great, so she told me the time and location of the interview. I excitedly told Steve about it and he rained on my parade by reminding me that I was having my tummy tuck on June 22nd and would not be able to walk on my own by the 25th. I said I didn't care. I wouldn't risk not getting the job by calling her back and ask to reschedule. He persisted. I knew he was right but put off making the call until the Sunday after we had returned from our cruise. I left a message explaining my surgery, etc, and asked if we could reschedule once again. I didn't have a lot of hope this time.
I didn't hear back from them before my surgery (a Friday), so I figured they had found someone else in the time since we had talked weeks prior. My tummy tuck took place early Friday morning and I was home in bed early that afternoon when my phone started vibrating. Figuring it way my dad checking to see how I was, I answered, not even looking at the caller. It was WSU calling back to reschedule the interview!! She was surprised I had answered, I explained that I was pretty drugged up but okay. We discussed how soon I could come in for an interview and set a date for two weeks from that day. I was thrilled!
Two weeks later, Steve drove me to the interview. It went really well AND I loved how I looked in real clothes after my surgery. A couple hours later, the director of the department (which is part of the IT Division) called and set up an interview with me and the VP of the IT Division, so I knew they had liked me. I went to the interview with the VP and it went well, too. Talking about the job duties, I felt like they'd be a good fit for me, and my would-be supervisor seemed really nice. A few days later, HR called to offer me the job and I accepted. I had been a little worried about starting to work full-time three weeks after my surgery, but fortunately (for me at least) I had to wait to start working until the background check passed. It took 2 weeks, so I started last Monday, just over 5 weeks after my surgery. By that time, I was feeling good enough to sit at a desk for long periods and walk around as needed.
My first couple days of work went well, despite a little confusion Monday morning when my trainer and my boss weren't there. I spent an hour talking to a guy who had just started the week before, then read for two hours when he had to go to a meeting and before my meeting with HR. Tuesday night last week, I panicked again. Why was I working full-time??? I had a cushy part-time job that gave me time to do my homework, freeing up my free time, and that let me go to school full-time so I could finish faster. I knew it, I loved the people, and I had plenty of time with my husband. Oh! And, I felt horrible about leaving our dog alone outside all day now. I spent a restless night, planning on quitting my new job and begging my old one to take me back. Of course, when morning came, I realized I couldn't do that, even though I really wanted to!
My desire to go back to my old job had little to do with this job. Once at work, I liked it well enough. It was weird because there were huge amounts of times when I wasn't being trained (like right now) and so had to find stuff to do on my own (pretty hard when you don't know what to do or how to do it). Then I discovered a little bit of "politics" that exists and wasn't very excited about having to deal with it. That said, the people were nice and I kept hoping that I'd eventually get trained to do the work and that I'd enjoy the work.
Yesterday, I finally came to terms with my new situation. Quite frankly, I'm a little embarrassed and ashamed that I ever wasn't. As I wrote earlier, I've been hoping and trying for this for a couple years. It's a good job in a market that isn't overflowing with them. I have good benefits and good prospects of furthering my career. I hope that now my "foot is in the door" I'll be able to one day work in the departments that will be more along the lines of my studies (Payroll, Purchasing, Accounts Receivables/Payables, the Controller's office, Auditing, etc.). Instead of bemoaning the fact that I can't sleep in until 7:30 any more, that the dog has to be alone a little longer, that I won't be able to do homework at work, etc, I should be grateful for the blessing that is this job. And now I am.
And I'm finally beginning to get trained on the "meat and potatoes" of my position and really do think I'll like the work. My official title is Office Specialist. Basically, I'm part secretary and part bookkeeper. My supervisor is the head of one department in the division but I will eventually support both departments in the division (this is the cause of the "politics" I mentioned earlier). I'm glad that my main duties relate to Accounting instead of being a straight secretarial position that just answers phones and orders supplies (which I do, too). It sounds like I'll stay fairly busy once I know what I'm doing but that the work won't be overwhelming. Perfect!
The best part of this job so far is the stress it takes off me about my future. I worried about finding a job after school and Steve's retirement and now I don't have to. It doesn't pay a ton, but it's enough for us right now and, like I wrote earlier, it should be a good stepping stone for other, better-paying jobs on campus.
So, I'm going to relax and enjoy this position for all its worth. It's going to be a little tricky with school, but I changed my class load to two instead of three, so I'm sure I'll be able to get homework done and still spend time with my hubby. I'm meeting very nice people and learning new things. And, I'm not sitting at home bored to tears. Yep, I'm very glad and very fortunate in my new job.
Yay!
Life threw me a curve ball and I panicked...just a little. Steve failed his physical and started a process that may (we won't know for a few months) lead to him retiring a year earlier than we had planned. The thought of him going out and getting another job while I went to school and my ultra-cushy part-time job made me sick. My goal all the time we've been together, in which time he's brought in the bulk of our income, is to be making enough money that when he retires he can work at whatever job he wants - even if it's a piddly job at a sporting goods store - without worrying about our finances. After 20+ years in the military, I think he's earned the freedom to pick a job that he'll really enjoy.
So, with his earlier-than-expected retirement staring me in the face, I immediately jumped on WSU's employment website and applied for the only full-time Classified Staff position currently open. Steve, when he found out, didn't approve. He preferred that I focus on finishing my degree so I could then get a really good job in my career field instead of taking longer to finish because I'm working full-time. In the end, we compromised and agreed that I would work full-time only at WSU, since my goal is to work there or another university for the rest of my career.
A few weeks went by and my panic had mostly subsided. We had talked things through and had a good plan, so I knew we could weather any outcome. I had forgotten about applying for the position at WSU until the day before our Alaskan cruise when I received a call to set up an interview sometime that week. I was thrilled to be getting the call and was disappointed to have to tell the caller, the secretary, that I was going on a cruise and wouldn't be back until the following week. She said she'd let the hiring committee know and would get back to me. I was hopeful that they'd reschedule for the next week. Later that day, she called and asked about June 25th. I said that would be great, so she told me the time and location of the interview. I excitedly told Steve about it and he rained on my parade by reminding me that I was having my tummy tuck on June 22nd and would not be able to walk on my own by the 25th. I said I didn't care. I wouldn't risk not getting the job by calling her back and ask to reschedule. He persisted. I knew he was right but put off making the call until the Sunday after we had returned from our cruise. I left a message explaining my surgery, etc, and asked if we could reschedule once again. I didn't have a lot of hope this time.
I didn't hear back from them before my surgery (a Friday), so I figured they had found someone else in the time since we had talked weeks prior. My tummy tuck took place early Friday morning and I was home in bed early that afternoon when my phone started vibrating. Figuring it way my dad checking to see how I was, I answered, not even looking at the caller. It was WSU calling back to reschedule the interview!! She was surprised I had answered, I explained that I was pretty drugged up but okay. We discussed how soon I could come in for an interview and set a date for two weeks from that day. I was thrilled!
Two weeks later, Steve drove me to the interview. It went really well AND I loved how I looked in real clothes after my surgery. A couple hours later, the director of the department (which is part of the IT Division) called and set up an interview with me and the VP of the IT Division, so I knew they had liked me. I went to the interview with the VP and it went well, too. Talking about the job duties, I felt like they'd be a good fit for me, and my would-be supervisor seemed really nice. A few days later, HR called to offer me the job and I accepted. I had been a little worried about starting to work full-time three weeks after my surgery, but fortunately (for me at least) I had to wait to start working until the background check passed. It took 2 weeks, so I started last Monday, just over 5 weeks after my surgery. By that time, I was feeling good enough to sit at a desk for long periods and walk around as needed.
My first couple days of work went well, despite a little confusion Monday morning when my trainer and my boss weren't there. I spent an hour talking to a guy who had just started the week before, then read for two hours when he had to go to a meeting and before my meeting with HR. Tuesday night last week, I panicked again. Why was I working full-time??? I had a cushy part-time job that gave me time to do my homework, freeing up my free time, and that let me go to school full-time so I could finish faster. I knew it, I loved the people, and I had plenty of time with my husband. Oh! And, I felt horrible about leaving our dog alone outside all day now. I spent a restless night, planning on quitting my new job and begging my old one to take me back. Of course, when morning came, I realized I couldn't do that, even though I really wanted to!
My desire to go back to my old job had little to do with this job. Once at work, I liked it well enough. It was weird because there were huge amounts of times when I wasn't being trained (like right now) and so had to find stuff to do on my own (pretty hard when you don't know what to do or how to do it). Then I discovered a little bit of "politics" that exists and wasn't very excited about having to deal with it. That said, the people were nice and I kept hoping that I'd eventually get trained to do the work and that I'd enjoy the work.
Yesterday, I finally came to terms with my new situation. Quite frankly, I'm a little embarrassed and ashamed that I ever wasn't. As I wrote earlier, I've been hoping and trying for this for a couple years. It's a good job in a market that isn't overflowing with them. I have good benefits and good prospects of furthering my career. I hope that now my "foot is in the door" I'll be able to one day work in the departments that will be more along the lines of my studies (Payroll, Purchasing, Accounts Receivables/Payables, the Controller's office, Auditing, etc.). Instead of bemoaning the fact that I can't sleep in until 7:30 any more, that the dog has to be alone a little longer, that I won't be able to do homework at work, etc, I should be grateful for the blessing that is this job. And now I am.
And I'm finally beginning to get trained on the "meat and potatoes" of my position and really do think I'll like the work. My official title is Office Specialist. Basically, I'm part secretary and part bookkeeper. My supervisor is the head of one department in the division but I will eventually support both departments in the division (this is the cause of the "politics" I mentioned earlier). I'm glad that my main duties relate to Accounting instead of being a straight secretarial position that just answers phones and orders supplies (which I do, too). It sounds like I'll stay fairly busy once I know what I'm doing but that the work won't be overwhelming. Perfect!
The best part of this job so far is the stress it takes off me about my future. I worried about finding a job after school and Steve's retirement and now I don't have to. It doesn't pay a ton, but it's enough for us right now and, like I wrote earlier, it should be a good stepping stone for other, better-paying jobs on campus.
So, I'm going to relax and enjoy this position for all its worth. It's going to be a little tricky with school, but I changed my class load to two instead of three, so I'm sure I'll be able to get homework done and still spend time with my hubby. I'm meeting very nice people and learning new things. And, I'm not sitting at home bored to tears. Yep, I'm very glad and very fortunate in my new job.
Yay!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Christmas...Past, Present, and Future
As a kid, I loved Christmas: the Christmas music (especially sung at church), the lights on the houses, the tree with all our school-made ornaments, and the traditions of our family. After moving to Cedar, we sometimes we went to Vernal to celebrate the holiday with extended family, but most of the time, we stayed home and celebrated it with just our family. Christmas Eve, after dinner of ham, potato casserole, rolls, veggies, and other goodnesses, we'd drive around looking at the lights on houses, singing Christmas carols. I'm sure us kids would fight at times, but I don't remember. *smile* When we got home, we read the Christmas story from the Bible and got to open one present before going to bed. When I was younger, I'd always hope for some really cool toy to open, but it was always pj's. After a few years, I caught on to the pattern and realized that present would always be pj's and finally understood the coolness of getting to wear brand-new pajamas to bed Christmas Eve. Of course, we would leave a plate full of homemade sugar cookies and a glass of milk for Santa. Then we'd put our individual stocking in our "place". This place signified where Santa was to put our gifts when he came.
Christmas morning, we weren't allowed to get out of bed until a certain time - preset the night before. I remember being awake in bed, willing the alarm clock to go faster so I could get out of bed. (I was an extremely obedient child, as you know.) Corey would come in and get me and sometimes we'd go look at our presents before waking up Jason and Kevin. We'd all play with our new toys an hour or so before waking up our parents (also a preset time from the night before). After showing them our loot, we'd open up the presents under the tree. We took turns (usually youngest, Kevin, to oldest, Dad), opening up one gift at a time, so we all got to be the center of attention for a moment and so that present would get its proper importance. It also stretched out the fun, something I really enjoyed. Oh, and we always had stuff in our stockings, too. Stocking stuffers wouldn't be anything extravagant, especially when compared to what I've heard about from other people, usually just an apple, orange, banana, some candy, nuts, and maybe a small toy. After presents were opened, we'd have Mom's breakfast casserole, then spend the morning playing with our toys and often playing the game(s) Santa had left for the family. For lunch, we'd have Mom's delicious clam chowder. I can eat clam chowder from restaurants, but none of them are as tasty as Mom's. I really need to learn how to make it someday. The rest of the day was really relaxed. Lots of spending time together. It was wonderful.
When my parents divorced, things changed. We developed new traditions, started having two Christmases - one at Mom's and one at Dad's, and I lost a little of my Christmas spirit. I hate to say it, but it's true. It took a few years, but eventually, I started to dislike Christmas. I still enjoyed the music/singing, the lights on houses, and all that stuff, but I started to dread Christmas Day. I hated leaving my mom all alone on Christmas Day when we went to Dad's. Then I felt bad leaving Dad's house because we usually didn't stay there very long. And, I felt bad bringing the gifts from him and Paula home to my mom's. I probably made it worse than I should have, but what can I say, I'm a sensitive gal. *smile* Then my brothers got married and started having kids. Kids make Christmas. That's all there is to it. Having in-laws to plan around, and then a nephew we only got to see on Christmas Eve complicated Christmas. It started to become a 2-day affair. Since Kevin only had Scott on Christmas Eve, we'd spend part of that day with Mom and part with Dad. Repeat that on Christmas Day. I always ended up being the one who coordinated when we'd go where, and frankly, I hated it. I always had fun once the festivities were upon us, of course. I just wish I had relaxed enough to enjoy it beforehand. Ah well. Live and learn, right?
Two years ago, I scheduled my lap band surgery for December 23rd for two reasons; one because it was the best time to take off work and the other to avoid some of the stress that I caused myself at this time of year. It helped. Then last year, I decided to go to Paris on Christmas Day. I was still around long enough to be able to enjoy the festivities, but I was determined to not let the normal frustrations interfere with my excitement. This was a break-through for me. I finally realized that I didn't need to make sure everyone was happy. This wasn't my responsibility. I didn't have kids, I was single. Why did I need to make the plans? So I didn't. And I had a really enjoyable Christmas. I realized how stupid I had been for so many years and was determined that I wouldn't be ever again...at least about Christmas.
This year is the first year in a long time that I won't be spending Christmas with my family. Steve and I are going to Denver for Christmas. We fly out tomorrow afternoon and are coming back Tuesday afternoon. Since we're leaving on Christmas Eve, we're opening our presents tomorrow morning and doing "traditional" Christmas Eve night stuff tonight. After dinner, we're going to watch a Christmas movie (probably the cartoon version of the Grinch since he's opposed to Charlie Brown), then drive around looking at the lights on people's houses. I'm betting I won't get him to sing carols with me. *smile* When we get home, we'll have hot chocolate and open our stocking stuffers. In the morning, we'll open our presents and have breakfast. I'm thinking of making a quiche or maybe Mom's breakfast casserole! (I just thought of that while I typed.)
I don't know what the future holds, but I know I want to be with Steve for every Christmas yet to come. I want to have traditions that are ours, traditions that we establish together and can pass on to our children, if we have them. I know that some years we'll spend with my family and hopefully we'll spend some with his family. No matter where we are, I'm going to be with Steve and that makes me happy. The future certainly looks bright.
Wherever you are going to be this Christmas, whoever you're going to be with, whatever your traditions are, I hope you have a very wonderful day!
Christmas morning, we weren't allowed to get out of bed until a certain time - preset the night before. I remember being awake in bed, willing the alarm clock to go faster so I could get out of bed. (I was an extremely obedient child, as you know.) Corey would come in and get me and sometimes we'd go look at our presents before waking up Jason and Kevin. We'd all play with our new toys an hour or so before waking up our parents (also a preset time from the night before). After showing them our loot, we'd open up the presents under the tree. We took turns (usually youngest, Kevin, to oldest, Dad), opening up one gift at a time, so we all got to be the center of attention for a moment and so that present would get its proper importance. It also stretched out the fun, something I really enjoyed. Oh, and we always had stuff in our stockings, too. Stocking stuffers wouldn't be anything extravagant, especially when compared to what I've heard about from other people, usually just an apple, orange, banana, some candy, nuts, and maybe a small toy. After presents were opened, we'd have Mom's breakfast casserole, then spend the morning playing with our toys and often playing the game(s) Santa had left for the family. For lunch, we'd have Mom's delicious clam chowder. I can eat clam chowder from restaurants, but none of them are as tasty as Mom's. I really need to learn how to make it someday. The rest of the day was really relaxed. Lots of spending time together. It was wonderful.
When my parents divorced, things changed. We developed new traditions, started having two Christmases - one at Mom's and one at Dad's, and I lost a little of my Christmas spirit. I hate to say it, but it's true. It took a few years, but eventually, I started to dislike Christmas. I still enjoyed the music/singing, the lights on houses, and all that stuff, but I started to dread Christmas Day. I hated leaving my mom all alone on Christmas Day when we went to Dad's. Then I felt bad leaving Dad's house because we usually didn't stay there very long. And, I felt bad bringing the gifts from him and Paula home to my mom's. I probably made it worse than I should have, but what can I say, I'm a sensitive gal. *smile* Then my brothers got married and started having kids. Kids make Christmas. That's all there is to it. Having in-laws to plan around, and then a nephew we only got to see on Christmas Eve complicated Christmas. It started to become a 2-day affair. Since Kevin only had Scott on Christmas Eve, we'd spend part of that day with Mom and part with Dad. Repeat that on Christmas Day. I always ended up being the one who coordinated when we'd go where, and frankly, I hated it. I always had fun once the festivities were upon us, of course. I just wish I had relaxed enough to enjoy it beforehand. Ah well. Live and learn, right?
Two years ago, I scheduled my lap band surgery for December 23rd for two reasons; one because it was the best time to take off work and the other to avoid some of the stress that I caused myself at this time of year. It helped. Then last year, I decided to go to Paris on Christmas Day. I was still around long enough to be able to enjoy the festivities, but I was determined to not let the normal frustrations interfere with my excitement. This was a break-through for me. I finally realized that I didn't need to make sure everyone was happy. This wasn't my responsibility. I didn't have kids, I was single. Why did I need to make the plans? So I didn't. And I had a really enjoyable Christmas. I realized how stupid I had been for so many years and was determined that I wouldn't be ever again...at least about Christmas.
This year is the first year in a long time that I won't be spending Christmas with my family. Steve and I are going to Denver for Christmas. We fly out tomorrow afternoon and are coming back Tuesday afternoon. Since we're leaving on Christmas Eve, we're opening our presents tomorrow morning and doing "traditional" Christmas Eve night stuff tonight. After dinner, we're going to watch a Christmas movie (probably the cartoon version of the Grinch since he's opposed to Charlie Brown), then drive around looking at the lights on people's houses. I'm betting I won't get him to sing carols with me. *smile* When we get home, we'll have hot chocolate and open our stocking stuffers. In the morning, we'll open our presents and have breakfast. I'm thinking of making a quiche or maybe Mom's breakfast casserole! (I just thought of that while I typed.)
I don't know what the future holds, but I know I want to be with Steve for every Christmas yet to come. I want to have traditions that are ours, traditions that we establish together and can pass on to our children, if we have them. I know that some years we'll spend with my family and hopefully we'll spend some with his family. No matter where we are, I'm going to be with Steve and that makes me happy. The future certainly looks bright.
Wherever you are going to be this Christmas, whoever you're going to be with, whatever your traditions are, I hope you have a very wonderful day!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Having Faith and Hope
Life sometimes makes me chuckle.
.
Because if I didn't chuckle, I'd probably break down and cry.
Okay, I did cry a little. A week ago, I was laid off from my chiropractic job.
Yep. After deciding, and managing, to have a better attitude about my job, I was let go. It happened on a Friday, after the work day had ended. The day after I found out my car needed $700 worth of repairs. Steve had to pick me up from work that night because my car was still at the repair shop. I got into the car and responded to his questions monosyllabic-ally. He caught on fast and asked what was wrong. I started to cry and told him I'd been laid off. He pulled over and held me close until I stopped crying. We talked about my options. My boss had given me two options - to have Monday (the last day of the pay period) be my last day or to work a little longer while I searched for a new job. We decided to see if he'd let me work the rest of the month, just a couple weeks, but the money would be helpful. Steve took me out to dinner and I tried hard to forget about being laid off.
The next day, Saturday, we moved into our new home, which really helped to take my mind off my job situation. Nothing soothes the mind and soul like manual labor. I love the new house and already feel at home in it. This weekend, after spending Thanksgiving with my family, we'll bring up my red couches, kitchen table, and all the other stuff I left in Cedar. It will be awesome to have everything with me again.
Monday came and I asked my boss if I could work through the end of the month. He said that would be great and was happy that I had decided to stay a little longer. Um...how weird is that? If it were up to me, I'd be staying even longer, but whatever. Then, Wednesday after work, he called me into his office and said he had a better idea. Friday would be my last day and then he'd pay me for Monday (today) and Wednesday. That way I could get a little more money without having to work. It wasn't an option, it was how it was gonna be. I found out later that this change came about because the office manager, the diva I dislike, insisted that I be gone by the end of the week or she'd quit. Even though I dislike her, too, it was humbling to find out that someone dislikes me so much.
The past few months have been hard job-wise. I've learned just how much my self image has depended on having a good job, one that I enjoy and excel at and that challenges me. Not having a job like that has been really difficult. I don't regret moving here, being around Steve is worth all the job heartache. And, it's helping me develop a few attributes that I lack or am not strong in. I'm having to depend on someone else, something that my independent side struggles with. My brother gave me excellent advice about letting Steve take care of me and I'm doing my best to follow it. I'm grateful that I have such a wonderful, generous man in my life who is willing to take care of me when I need it (and when I don't). Most importantly, I'm having to have faith and hope that I'll find a good job soon; one that will pay the bills and that I'll really enjoy. I'm trusting God that He knows what is best for me and that if I work hard at searching for a job, one will pop up. I've already been blessed to have a friend let me know about some openings at her job. I'll just keep praying and crossing my fingers.
For years, I led a safe life. It was a good life but a part of me hoped for something more, something new. Boy, did I get what I hoped for! Life is fun and new and scary and exciting and nothing is for sure, and goll darn it, I'm happy.
Yay!
.
Because if I didn't chuckle, I'd probably break down and cry.
Okay, I did cry a little. A week ago, I was laid off from my chiropractic job.
Yep. After deciding, and managing, to have a better attitude about my job, I was let go. It happened on a Friday, after the work day had ended. The day after I found out my car needed $700 worth of repairs. Steve had to pick me up from work that night because my car was still at the repair shop. I got into the car and responded to his questions monosyllabic-ally. He caught on fast and asked what was wrong. I started to cry and told him I'd been laid off. He pulled over and held me close until I stopped crying. We talked about my options. My boss had given me two options - to have Monday (the last day of the pay period) be my last day or to work a little longer while I searched for a new job. We decided to see if he'd let me work the rest of the month, just a couple weeks, but the money would be helpful. Steve took me out to dinner and I tried hard to forget about being laid off.
The next day, Saturday, we moved into our new home, which really helped to take my mind off my job situation. Nothing soothes the mind and soul like manual labor. I love the new house and already feel at home in it. This weekend, after spending Thanksgiving with my family, we'll bring up my red couches, kitchen table, and all the other stuff I left in Cedar. It will be awesome to have everything with me again.
Monday came and I asked my boss if I could work through the end of the month. He said that would be great and was happy that I had decided to stay a little longer. Um...how weird is that? If it were up to me, I'd be staying even longer, but whatever. Then, Wednesday after work, he called me into his office and said he had a better idea. Friday would be my last day and then he'd pay me for Monday (today) and Wednesday. That way I could get a little more money without having to work. It wasn't an option, it was how it was gonna be. I found out later that this change came about because the office manager, the diva I dislike, insisted that I be gone by the end of the week or she'd quit. Even though I dislike her, too, it was humbling to find out that someone dislikes me so much.
The past few months have been hard job-wise. I've learned just how much my self image has depended on having a good job, one that I enjoy and excel at and that challenges me. Not having a job like that has been really difficult. I don't regret moving here, being around Steve is worth all the job heartache. And, it's helping me develop a few attributes that I lack or am not strong in. I'm having to depend on someone else, something that my independent side struggles with. My brother gave me excellent advice about letting Steve take care of me and I'm doing my best to follow it. I'm grateful that I have such a wonderful, generous man in my life who is willing to take care of me when I need it (and when I don't). Most importantly, I'm having to have faith and hope that I'll find a good job soon; one that will pay the bills and that I'll really enjoy. I'm trusting God that He knows what is best for me and that if I work hard at searching for a job, one will pop up. I've already been blessed to have a friend let me know about some openings at her job. I'll just keep praying and crossing my fingers.
For years, I led a safe life. It was a good life but a part of me hoped for something more, something new. Boy, did I get what I hoped for! Life is fun and new and scary and exciting and nothing is for sure, and goll darn it, I'm happy.
Yay!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
My Grand Little Adventure
I had honestly begun to think the crazy, spontaneous girl in me had died or at least fallen asleep indefinitely. I was nicely settled into a pretty darn good life. I loved my little condo, I had a good job with career potential, and was surrounded by my loving family and terrific friends. True, I lacked a special someone in my life, but I was still very content with life.
Enter Steve and that crazy, spontaneous girl in me awoke and now my life is totally changed!
Today marks two weeks since I moved and as I sit in my pajamas an hour after I used to be at work, I'm amazed. Amazed at how quickly I made the decision to move after years of trying to move but never having a strong enough desire to actually do it. When I moved back to Cedar after living in New York, I promised myself I'd only stay until I graduated from college. When that time came, I had a really great job I loved, and I was offered a full-time position at that job. I stayed. A couple years later, I was itching to do something different and was thinking about moving to Portland, OR. My boss gave me a promotion and hefty pay raise, so I stayed, making a 2-year commitment to him. I even bought a condo, pretty much locking me in to staying in Cedar for several years...or so I thought.
Now I'm living in Layton, unemployed, and having a ball! I miss my family and friends and my condo...and my paycheck, but it's nice to have a little adventure again. Every evening I go for a walk around my new neighborhood and am enjoying exploring the area. It's fun not knowing where anything is then slowly finding where to go grocery shopping, where my bank is, and trying new restaurants.
Job hunting isn't fun and there's a small part of me that wonders if I made a mistake by turning down the job at the alarm company. Oh well, it's in the past and I can't do anything about it. I have at least one possibility today at a chiropractic office. It's only part-time and not a lot of money, but it would be money coming in. If I get it, I'd only work MWF, so I'm thinking about applying as a substitute teacher for T and Th. Or writing a book. Or going to school on those days.
Last week, Steve and I visited the culinary school and I really liked it and was uber excited until the counselor told us the price tag. I had prepared myself for $8-10k because the culinary school in Vegas was just over $7000 for a year. So, my jaw dropped when he said it would be $25,000, although it may be less for me since I have a Bachelor's already so won't need to take the academic courses (math, english, etc). Still, I'm thinking it will still be close to $20,000 for a year. Steve says we'll manage it if it's really what I want to do, but how the heck am I supposed to know when I've never even worked at a restaurant? I love cooking at home, but it's gotta be different, right?
So, I applied at a restaurant I really like that is near my new home. The manager looked at my work experience and asked me if I had any waiting experience at all. I said no and he got this look on his face like "why in the name of all that is good would I hire you to be a waitress with absolutely no experience". He said he's pretty sure the place is fully staffed right now but I can check back in a couple weeks. Sigh. I haven't given up hope...yet...and am planning on applying at a few more restaurants, but it made me realize that my experience and credentials definitely are in the office sector of the workforce. Which would be great if I was ok with working in an office the rest of my life, but I'm not sure that's what I want. I want to be passionate about what I'm doing, I want to be creative, I want to be proud of what I'm doing.
Sigh. I'm not going to lie, having everything up in the air is a little scary, but it's kind of exciting, too. Life certainly isn't stale or predictable. I'm looking forward to seeing how things play out, to meeting new people, to learning new things, and to having new challenges.
Oh, and being near Steve is absolutely wonderful! He is so good to me and for me. On Monday, when I had a little money-related breakdown, he put his arms around me and held me tight until I calmed down. Then he told me everything would be okay and he'd always take care of me. Whether we're playing tennis, hiking, playing cribbage, making dinner, or just relaxing and watching tv, I love being with him. We laugh a lot, talk about everything, and really enjoy being together. I love him.
Well, that's the scoop. Please keep your fingers crossed for me that I find a job soon. Thanks!
Enter Steve and that crazy, spontaneous girl in me awoke and now my life is totally changed!
Today marks two weeks since I moved and as I sit in my pajamas an hour after I used to be at work, I'm amazed. Amazed at how quickly I made the decision to move after years of trying to move but never having a strong enough desire to actually do it. When I moved back to Cedar after living in New York, I promised myself I'd only stay until I graduated from college. When that time came, I had a really great job I loved, and I was offered a full-time position at that job. I stayed. A couple years later, I was itching to do something different and was thinking about moving to Portland, OR. My boss gave me a promotion and hefty pay raise, so I stayed, making a 2-year commitment to him. I even bought a condo, pretty much locking me in to staying in Cedar for several years...or so I thought.
Now I'm living in Layton, unemployed, and having a ball! I miss my family and friends and my condo...and my paycheck, but it's nice to have a little adventure again. Every evening I go for a walk around my new neighborhood and am enjoying exploring the area. It's fun not knowing where anything is then slowly finding where to go grocery shopping, where my bank is, and trying new restaurants.
Job hunting isn't fun and there's a small part of me that wonders if I made a mistake by turning down the job at the alarm company. Oh well, it's in the past and I can't do anything about it. I have at least one possibility today at a chiropractic office. It's only part-time and not a lot of money, but it would be money coming in. If I get it, I'd only work MWF, so I'm thinking about applying as a substitute teacher for T and Th. Or writing a book. Or going to school on those days.
Last week, Steve and I visited the culinary school and I really liked it and was uber excited until the counselor told us the price tag. I had prepared myself for $8-10k because the culinary school in Vegas was just over $7000 for a year. So, my jaw dropped when he said it would be $25,000, although it may be less for me since I have a Bachelor's already so won't need to take the academic courses (math, english, etc). Still, I'm thinking it will still be close to $20,000 for a year. Steve says we'll manage it if it's really what I want to do, but how the heck am I supposed to know when I've never even worked at a restaurant? I love cooking at home, but it's gotta be different, right?
So, I applied at a restaurant I really like that is near my new home. The manager looked at my work experience and asked me if I had any waiting experience at all. I said no and he got this look on his face like "why in the name of all that is good would I hire you to be a waitress with absolutely no experience". He said he's pretty sure the place is fully staffed right now but I can check back in a couple weeks. Sigh. I haven't given up hope...yet...and am planning on applying at a few more restaurants, but it made me realize that my experience and credentials definitely are in the office sector of the workforce. Which would be great if I was ok with working in an office the rest of my life, but I'm not sure that's what I want. I want to be passionate about what I'm doing, I want to be creative, I want to be proud of what I'm doing.
Sigh. I'm not going to lie, having everything up in the air is a little scary, but it's kind of exciting, too. Life certainly isn't stale or predictable. I'm looking forward to seeing how things play out, to meeting new people, to learning new things, and to having new challenges.
Oh, and being near Steve is absolutely wonderful! He is so good to me and for me. On Monday, when I had a little money-related breakdown, he put his arms around me and held me tight until I calmed down. Then he told me everything would be okay and he'd always take care of me. Whether we're playing tennis, hiking, playing cribbage, making dinner, or just relaxing and watching tv, I love being with him. We laugh a lot, talk about everything, and really enjoy being together. I love him.
Well, that's the scoop. Please keep your fingers crossed for me that I find a job soon. Thanks!
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Moving
I'm moving.
It's a little sad, a lot stressful, and mega exciting.
I'm moving to be closer to Steve. Don't be fooled by any other reason I may try to give as to why I'm moving. They are all valid, but when it comes down to it, I want to be closer to him. *sigh* The truth is supposed to set one free, but sometimes it bogs me down in honesty, clarity, and forth-rightfulness until I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm moving to be closer to a man I've only been dating for 3 months. Me! I would never have guessed myself capable of it, but there you have it.
I pondered moving closer to him after the first month of dating because I knew this was a guy I really liked and wanted to get to know better. However, I figured it wouldn't happen for quite some time. Then, out of the blue, I realized that now is a wonderful time to get people to move in to my condo - it's the beginning of a new school year at the university! So, I discussed it with Steve and a couple wonderful advisers, and made the decision to move. By the end of that weekend, my condo had tenants lined up. Wow!
I have a roommate currently; she's staying until October-ish. At that point, I'll pray to find someone to take her place. The other two gals are students and plan on living there at least through the school year. They both move in on August 16th. I decided to give my work a month's notice, so I am moving up north Labor Day weekend. Those of you who are awake will realize the issue here. I am moving in with my mother for a couple weeks before I move up north. It's very generous of her to let me do this and it will be nice to get to spend some extra time with her before I move away. My friend Cardine has generously offered to let me store some things at her place on a very temporary basis, so everything should be taken care of. *knock on wood*
I'm sad to be going. I've been happy here. I live near my parents and my brother and his family. I love being a part of my niece and nephew's lives and will sorely miss seeing them, going to their ball games, dance recitals, etc. I have good friends here that keep my social life a-buzzin' and that I can talk to about almost anything. I'll miss my condo. It's the first house I've owned and as such will always be special to me. It's been a work-in-progress and I'm not leaving it completed. I have always felt at home there and have loved it!! I'm not too sad about leaving my job, but I feel kind of bad. It's a good job with good people, but it isn't something I'd want to do forever. It had potential to become a career if I had stayed, which is sad, but as it is it isn't too hard to leave. I feel bad that I've only worked there a few months, though. And, my boss is super generous and is going to try to get me an unpaid leave of absence for September, in case things don't work out and I decide to come back. Super nice, eh??
I'm stressed because I have lots to do to get ready and no time in which to do it. I've needed to empty out my back bedroom, my bedroom/bathroom, the kitchen, and anything else I want to take with me or at least take out of my soon-to-be-filled-with-strangers home by August 16th. However, I haven't had a whole lot of time to work on it. No weekends to work on it because I spend every weekend with Steve. During the week I work until 5pm and then have every intention of working on my house but something always comes up. Always happy things, but things that take away time to do what needs doing. Once I move into Mom's, my stress level will decrease dramatically (though not completely). I look forward to this.
I'm mega excited to move, though. It will be so nice to be able to see Steve on a more regular basis. On the weekends, we have tons of fun, but life gets put on hold during those days and I'm ready to see how we work out when life's Play button gets pushed. He hasn't seen me mad or frustrated or hungry/tired (which is a deadly combo). I haven't seen him any of those ways either. If things progress like I'm hoping they do, this is an important step towards that - being around each other more often, I mean. And, I just really like being with him. When we're together, I'm so happy. Even if we're just watching tv on the couch or strolling around the farmer's market, it feels good to be with him. He's such a great guy and I am so happy and lucky to have him in my life.
Steve isn't the only reason I'm excited, though. For a few years now, I've contemplated going back to school, either to get a graduate degree in Economics or to go to culinary school. Both interest me and both required moving, which I'm now doing. Both options are possible where I'm moving. I'm excited to do something with my life, to find my passion and to have a career that makes me feel fulfilled. And, I'll live closer to one of my best friends, my cousin Cassie, and my brother Jason and his wife and son. It will be nice to be able to see them more often. Finally, I'm excited to live in a bigger city again. I love my hometown, but there is a definite lack of diverse eating establishments. Mmmm. Places I'm looking forward to frequenting: Zupas, Bombay House, Cafe Med, Mimi's Cafe (divine mac & cheese, believe it or not), Roosters (in Ogden), and so many other places!! And, think of all the bookstores I can enjoy! *happy sigh* I'm looking forward to the adventure of exploring my new neighborhood and city and of meeting new people.
It's a little scary, picking up my life and starting over somewhere new, but I'm ready for it (emotionally, at least; technically, my house is still a disaster and as such I'm not at all ready). Adventure is staring me in the face and I'm going to win the staring contest or die trying!
I'll do my best to keep you updated on what's going on.
Happy Wednesday!
It's a little sad, a lot stressful, and mega exciting.
I'm moving to be closer to Steve. Don't be fooled by any other reason I may try to give as to why I'm moving. They are all valid, but when it comes down to it, I want to be closer to him. *sigh* The truth is supposed to set one free, but sometimes it bogs me down in honesty, clarity, and forth-rightfulness until I just don't know what to do with myself. I'm moving to be closer to a man I've only been dating for 3 months. Me! I would never have guessed myself capable of it, but there you have it.
I pondered moving closer to him after the first month of dating because I knew this was a guy I really liked and wanted to get to know better. However, I figured it wouldn't happen for quite some time. Then, out of the blue, I realized that now is a wonderful time to get people to move in to my condo - it's the beginning of a new school year at the university! So, I discussed it with Steve and a couple wonderful advisers, and made the decision to move. By the end of that weekend, my condo had tenants lined up. Wow!
I have a roommate currently; she's staying until October-ish. At that point, I'll pray to find someone to take her place. The other two gals are students and plan on living there at least through the school year. They both move in on August 16th. I decided to give my work a month's notice, so I am moving up north Labor Day weekend. Those of you who are awake will realize the issue here. I am moving in with my mother for a couple weeks before I move up north. It's very generous of her to let me do this and it will be nice to get to spend some extra time with her before I move away. My friend Cardine has generously offered to let me store some things at her place on a very temporary basis, so everything should be taken care of. *knock on wood*
I'm sad to be going. I've been happy here. I live near my parents and my brother and his family. I love being a part of my niece and nephew's lives and will sorely miss seeing them, going to their ball games, dance recitals, etc. I have good friends here that keep my social life a-buzzin' and that I can talk to about almost anything. I'll miss my condo. It's the first house I've owned and as such will always be special to me. It's been a work-in-progress and I'm not leaving it completed. I have always felt at home there and have loved it!! I'm not too sad about leaving my job, but I feel kind of bad. It's a good job with good people, but it isn't something I'd want to do forever. It had potential to become a career if I had stayed, which is sad, but as it is it isn't too hard to leave. I feel bad that I've only worked there a few months, though. And, my boss is super generous and is going to try to get me an unpaid leave of absence for September, in case things don't work out and I decide to come back. Super nice, eh??
I'm stressed because I have lots to do to get ready and no time in which to do it. I've needed to empty out my back bedroom, my bedroom/bathroom, the kitchen, and anything else I want to take with me or at least take out of my soon-to-be-filled-with-strangers home by August 16th. However, I haven't had a whole lot of time to work on it. No weekends to work on it because I spend every weekend with Steve. During the week I work until 5pm and then have every intention of working on my house but something always comes up. Always happy things, but things that take away time to do what needs doing. Once I move into Mom's, my stress level will decrease dramatically (though not completely). I look forward to this.
I'm mega excited to move, though. It will be so nice to be able to see Steve on a more regular basis. On the weekends, we have tons of fun, but life gets put on hold during those days and I'm ready to see how we work out when life's Play button gets pushed. He hasn't seen me mad or frustrated or hungry/tired (which is a deadly combo). I haven't seen him any of those ways either. If things progress like I'm hoping they do, this is an important step towards that - being around each other more often, I mean. And, I just really like being with him. When we're together, I'm so happy. Even if we're just watching tv on the couch or strolling around the farmer's market, it feels good to be with him. He's such a great guy and I am so happy and lucky to have him in my life.
Steve isn't the only reason I'm excited, though. For a few years now, I've contemplated going back to school, either to get a graduate degree in Economics or to go to culinary school. Both interest me and both required moving, which I'm now doing. Both options are possible where I'm moving. I'm excited to do something with my life, to find my passion and to have a career that makes me feel fulfilled. And, I'll live closer to one of my best friends, my cousin Cassie, and my brother Jason and his wife and son. It will be nice to be able to see them more often. Finally, I'm excited to live in a bigger city again. I love my hometown, but there is a definite lack of diverse eating establishments. Mmmm. Places I'm looking forward to frequenting: Zupas, Bombay House, Cafe Med, Mimi's Cafe (divine mac & cheese, believe it or not), Roosters (in Ogden), and so many other places!! And, think of all the bookstores I can enjoy! *happy sigh* I'm looking forward to the adventure of exploring my new neighborhood and city and of meeting new people.
It's a little scary, picking up my life and starting over somewhere new, but I'm ready for it (emotionally, at least; technically, my house is still a disaster and as such I'm not at all ready). Adventure is staring me in the face and I'm going to win the staring contest or die trying!
I'll do my best to keep you updated on what's going on.
Happy Wednesday!
Monday, April 05, 2010
Bucket List
Last summer, I had a dream that I was dying. I had an incurable disease that would give me about 6 months of truly live-able time. I quit my job, sold my home, and planned what to do in those 6 months. Spending time with my friends and family topped the list but the one thing I really had to do before I died was go to Paris. I felt I could be proud of what I had accomplished if I managed to check this one life-long dream off my list. I awoke from the dream realizing just how important it was for me to make it to Paris. I didn't know when or how I'd make it over there, but I knew it had to be done. I started to think about other things that I've always wanted to do and hence created my Bucket List.
Having a bucket list really appeals to my nature. Creating goals for my life and then getting to check them off? What's not to love about that?
My Bucket List: (in no particular order after the first one)
* Go to Paris - December 2009 WOOHOO!!!
* Shoot a gun - December 2009
* Go skydiving (hopefully this May/June)
* Rock climbing
* See a Cirque du Soleil show in Vegas
* Paint a picture (that actually looks like something other than a blob of colors)
* Hike Angel's Landing in Zion National Park
* Run a 5k
* Go hang gliding
* Write a novel
* Earn a graduate degree
* See the Northern Lights
* Love one man with all my heart and soul
The idea is that as I accomplish one item on the List, I'll add a new goal to the bottom of the list. I don't ever want to be DONE. I want to live a life of progress and learning and adventure. Hopefully, by the time I kick the Bucket, I'll have a big long list of things I've done that I always wanted to do and an equally long list of things I would've love to do had I had the time.
What is on your Bucket List?
And, if I like what's on your List, do you mind if I add it to mine? *huge grin*
Having a bucket list really appeals to my nature. Creating goals for my life and then getting to check them off? What's not to love about that?
My Bucket List: (in no particular order after the first one)
* Go to Paris - December 2009 WOOHOO!!!
* Shoot a gun - December 2009
* Go skydiving (hopefully this May/June)
* Rock climbing
* See a Cirque du Soleil show in Vegas
* Paint a picture (that actually looks like something other than a blob of colors)
* Hike Angel's Landing in Zion National Park
* Run a 5k
* Go hang gliding
* Write a novel
* Earn a graduate degree
* See the Northern Lights
* Love one man with all my heart and soul
The idea is that as I accomplish one item on the List, I'll add a new goal to the bottom of the list. I don't ever want to be DONE. I want to live a life of progress and learning and adventure. Hopefully, by the time I kick the Bucket, I'll have a big long list of things I've done that I always wanted to do and an equally long list of things I would've love to do had I had the time.
What is on your Bucket List?
And, if I like what's on your List, do you mind if I add it to mine? *huge grin*
Friday, January 15, 2010
Check Another Off the List!
My life seems to be turning upside down lately. So many changes!
Go here to check out what I asked Santa to bring me for Christmas.
Three days after I wrote that post, I signed up for Match.com. The next day, I "met" Sam. Now Sam and I are dating. I'm thisclose to calling him my boyfriend. Darn trust issues. If not for them and the fact that he's acting a little "different" (according to my darn trust issues), I'd probably find it easier to call him my boyfriend. Close enough. Check off "A Boyfriend". Thank you, Santa.
Christmas night, I flew to Paris. I had a wonderful trip. It was everything I could have ever hoped for in the fulfillment of this lifetime dream. I swear I'll write a post someday telling you more about the trip and will post some pictures. So, trip to France...done. Check that off the list. Merci beaucoup, Pere Noel!
Yesterday, I was offered a job at the local university in the HR department. I accepted it and will start February 1st. It pays less than what I make right now, but the benefits are absolutely awesome. I'll have health benefits for the first time since I was booted off my mom's insurance. I'll also have retirement, life insurance, and free tuition for classes. I'm going to apply for the MBA program and start taking a class at a time starting this summer or fall. And, now that I have my foot in the door, so to speak, it will be easier to get a position that pays more. So, check yet another item off my wish list! Santa, really, you've outdone yourself. Thank you a million times over!
I'm not holding my breath for the maid; however, because of my decreased income, I'm going to start looking for a roommate. Maybe she'll be a clean freak (in a non-obsessive way) and will be almost like a maid...that pays me rent. :) And, I didn't get Mario Kart for Christmas but I got something that is even more beneficial...Wii Fit! I've used it several times so far and really enjoy it. It's not mega difficult but I can still get a good workout.
Seriously, I've been blessed.
Hope you guys are all being equally blessed!
Go here to check out what I asked Santa to bring me for Christmas.
Three days after I wrote that post, I signed up for Match.com. The next day, I "met" Sam. Now Sam and I are dating. I'm thisclose to calling him my boyfriend. Darn trust issues. If not for them and the fact that he's acting a little "different" (according to my darn trust issues), I'd probably find it easier to call him my boyfriend. Close enough. Check off "A Boyfriend". Thank you, Santa.
Christmas night, I flew to Paris. I had a wonderful trip. It was everything I could have ever hoped for in the fulfillment of this lifetime dream. I swear I'll write a post someday telling you more about the trip and will post some pictures. So, trip to France...done. Check that off the list. Merci beaucoup, Pere Noel!
Yesterday, I was offered a job at the local university in the HR department. I accepted it and will start February 1st. It pays less than what I make right now, but the benefits are absolutely awesome. I'll have health benefits for the first time since I was booted off my mom's insurance. I'll also have retirement, life insurance, and free tuition for classes. I'm going to apply for the MBA program and start taking a class at a time starting this summer or fall. And, now that I have my foot in the door, so to speak, it will be easier to get a position that pays more. So, check yet another item off my wish list! Santa, really, you've outdone yourself. Thank you a million times over!
I'm not holding my breath for the maid; however, because of my decreased income, I'm going to start looking for a roommate. Maybe she'll be a clean freak (in a non-obsessive way) and will be almost like a maid...that pays me rent. :) And, I didn't get Mario Kart for Christmas but I got something that is even more beneficial...Wii Fit! I've used it several times so far and really enjoy it. It's not mega difficult but I can still get a good workout.
Seriously, I've been blessed.
Hope you guys are all being equally blessed!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
The Driver's Seat
I knew the first time I got behind the steering wheel of my dad's truck that I wasn't a natural driver. I was 14, it was Christmas Day, and I had gone with him to run an errand. There was snow on the ground and no one on the streets when he asked me if I wanted to try driving. I didn't but said yes anyway. I drove for probably 5 minutes then was finished. Didn't want to do it any more. What was the big deal? Driving, schmiving.
I graduated high school and moved away for college, sans automobile. I walked or rode the bus everywhere and enjoyed the freedom of not driving. When I drove with others, I barely paid attention to what was going on in front or behind the car - I looked out the windows at the shops, people, and landscape around me, content - no, thrilled! - to not be in the driver's seat.
Most of my mission, I didn't have a car, just the last few months. I preferred being without one. I loved walking to appointments, sitting next to people on the bus and metro and talking to them about them, me, the gospel, politics (rarely - heated discussions seldom coincide with the presence of the Spirit, a missionary's main goal in life), and didn't mind the occasional sprint to the bus as it was about to leave our stop - it kept me trim...I gained almost 10 lbs when I had a car. Also, winter in Canada = ice storms = slippery roads, which, combined with my inattention while driving = a couple scary moments filled with prayers consisting of ohpleasestop, ohpleasestop, ohpleasestop!
I still dislike driving, even though I'm a professional driver (yeah, it sounds funny to me, too). I'd just rather not if someone else is willing.
And yet, I insist on being in the Driver's Seat all the time.
Without a second thought (usually), I can relinquish my safety and well-being into another's hands when driving in a metal box on wheels traveling at 75+ mph, but I really struggle when it's my Life and the "other" is the all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-loving Master of the Universe, aka God, aka my Heavenly Father. I mean, really. Some of the people I drive with are crazy drivers, especially...well, that doesn't matter. My point is, if I can trust them to get me there and home again without incident, shouldn't I be able to trust Him even more to do the same?
I think it's the planning that gets me. I'm a planner. When I'm driving Bertha and The Beast and going to a destination I've never been to before, I first go to Mapquest to get driving directions, then I turn to my handy-dandy fuel guide that a nice trucker gave me after this incident (please, for my sake, skip over the Shawn details!) that tells me where to find gas stations big enough to hold my rig and, very importantly, that have diesel. I'm able to plan where I'm going to stop all along the way. No surprises. When I drive with people...same thing, no surprises (rarely, that is). I know the route we're taking, no problems whatsoever.
Not so in Life. When I plot my course, things happen that take me somewhere totally different than where I thought I'd be. To be fair, I've generally been quite pleased with where I turn up, which should make me a lot more relaxed, but I'm not. It's not that I don't trust Him, I just want a hint or two about where I'm going and when/where the next stop is. I wouldn't care if I don't get married until I'm 64 (like my great aunt on my dad's side) as long as I knew this and could plan accordingly. Or, if I'm supposed to be the Next Food Network Star, it would be nice to know that I'd better book-it to culinary school!
I have several options for my future but have no clue what's going to happen - if anything! I could go back to school and get my Masters, then on to get my PhD so I can become a professor of Economics. Like I mentioned above, culinary school is another option, the one I'm leaning toward currently. However, neither of these options will happen if I don't figure out something to do with my home (i.e. rent or sell it). Or, I could stay here (and not have to worry about my home) if a) I find a new job, b) I get married (chuckle, chuckle), or c) neither happens, my house doesn't rent or sell, and I have to stay at my current job f-o-r-e-v-e-r. *shudder*
I'm not one that believes that God does all the steering. I doubt He's up there playing a grand game of Chess with all our lives. I believe that He allows us to make big and small decisions that impact our lives and the lives of those around us. I don't think He expects me to always sit in the passenger seat, it's just that I tend to never let Him sit in the Driver's Seat unless He hits me over the head with a 2x4 (which He had to do in order to get me on a mission).
So, with all the uncertainty* about what's going to happen next, I'm going to try harder to let Him steer a little bit. To have a little more faith that He knows where to take me and what stops I need to make to get me where I'll be happiest.
Wish me luck.
*One thing is for certain, though - I'm finally going to France! Woohoo! I fly out of Vegas around 8pm on the 25th of December, arrive in Paris around 6pm on the 26th, and arrive back in Vegas sometime on January 2nd. I'll spend a few days there by myself - I have lots of fun things planned - then will meet up with Cardine on the 30th for the remainder of the time. I'm so absolutely thrilled about this trip that it makes all the uncertainties a little easier to bear. Whew!
I graduated high school and moved away for college, sans automobile. I walked or rode the bus everywhere and enjoyed the freedom of not driving. When I drove with others, I barely paid attention to what was going on in front or behind the car - I looked out the windows at the shops, people, and landscape around me, content - no, thrilled! - to not be in the driver's seat.
Most of my mission, I didn't have a car, just the last few months. I preferred being without one. I loved walking to appointments, sitting next to people on the bus and metro and talking to them about them, me, the gospel, politics (rarely - heated discussions seldom coincide with the presence of the Spirit, a missionary's main goal in life), and didn't mind the occasional sprint to the bus as it was about to leave our stop - it kept me trim...I gained almost 10 lbs when I had a car. Also, winter in Canada = ice storms = slippery roads, which, combined with my inattention while driving = a couple scary moments filled with prayers consisting of ohpleasestop, ohpleasestop, ohpleasestop!
I still dislike driving, even though I'm a professional driver (yeah, it sounds funny to me, too). I'd just rather not if someone else is willing.
And yet, I insist on being in the Driver's Seat all the time.
Without a second thought (usually), I can relinquish my safety and well-being into another's hands when driving in a metal box on wheels traveling at 75+ mph, but I really struggle when it's my Life and the "other" is the all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-loving Master of the Universe, aka God, aka my Heavenly Father. I mean, really. Some of the people I drive with are crazy drivers, especially...well, that doesn't matter. My point is, if I can trust them to get me there and home again without incident, shouldn't I be able to trust Him even more to do the same?
I think it's the planning that gets me. I'm a planner. When I'm driving Bertha and The Beast and going to a destination I've never been to before, I first go to Mapquest to get driving directions, then I turn to my handy-dandy fuel guide that a nice trucker gave me after this incident (please, for my sake, skip over the Shawn details!) that tells me where to find gas stations big enough to hold my rig and, very importantly, that have diesel. I'm able to plan where I'm going to stop all along the way. No surprises. When I drive with people...same thing, no surprises (rarely, that is). I know the route we're taking, no problems whatsoever.
Not so in Life. When I plot my course, things happen that take me somewhere totally different than where I thought I'd be. To be fair, I've generally been quite pleased with where I turn up, which should make me a lot more relaxed, but I'm not. It's not that I don't trust Him, I just want a hint or two about where I'm going and when/where the next stop is. I wouldn't care if I don't get married until I'm 64 (like my great aunt on my dad's side) as long as I knew this and could plan accordingly. Or, if I'm supposed to be the Next Food Network Star, it would be nice to know that I'd better book-it to culinary school!
I have several options for my future but have no clue what's going to happen - if anything! I could go back to school and get my Masters, then on to get my PhD so I can become a professor of Economics. Like I mentioned above, culinary school is another option, the one I'm leaning toward currently. However, neither of these options will happen if I don't figure out something to do with my home (i.e. rent or sell it). Or, I could stay here (and not have to worry about my home) if a) I find a new job, b) I get married (chuckle, chuckle), or c) neither happens, my house doesn't rent or sell, and I have to stay at my current job f-o-r-e-v-e-r. *shudder*
I'm not one that believes that God does all the steering. I doubt He's up there playing a grand game of Chess with all our lives. I believe that He allows us to make big and small decisions that impact our lives and the lives of those around us. I don't think He expects me to always sit in the passenger seat, it's just that I tend to never let Him sit in the Driver's Seat unless He hits me over the head with a 2x4 (which He had to do in order to get me on a mission).
So, with all the uncertainty* about what's going to happen next, I'm going to try harder to let Him steer a little bit. To have a little more faith that He knows where to take me and what stops I need to make to get me where I'll be happiest.
Wish me luck.
*One thing is for certain, though - I'm finally going to France! Woohoo! I fly out of Vegas around 8pm on the 25th of December, arrive in Paris around 6pm on the 26th, and arrive back in Vegas sometime on January 2nd. I'll spend a few days there by myself - I have lots of fun things planned - then will meet up with Cardine on the 30th for the remainder of the time. I'm so absolutely thrilled about this trip that it makes all the uncertainties a little easier to bear. Whew!
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Utah State University
I had a great visit to Logan this past weekend. I picked up Shiree on my way, and we arrived at Sarah's house at 10:30pm Friday. Of course, we stayed up way too late talking but it had been awhile so we had a lot to discuss. Saturday we slept in, ate at a Thai restaurant, bought chocolates at the candy store and books at Borders, cooked yummy fajitas, then walked to the USU/SUU football game. We were a little late and had some trouble finding seats but eventually we did. Sarah, a USU student, wore a blue Aggies t-shirt. Shiree, having attended SUU but not really being all that serious about football, wore a cream shirt. I, having graduated from SUU and being a serious fan of the U (whose main color is red and whose rival's main color is blue), wore my only SUU t-shirt. I got it for free at a volleyball game, and yes, it's a volleyball t-shirt, but hey, at least it said SUU on it! Here's a picture of us:
SUU lost. However, I was thrilled that they kept the game close until halfway through the 4th quarter. Prior to the game, I had wondered if I'd be as vocal a fan in a sea of "enemies" as when I'm surrounded by people cheering for my team. I answered that question with a firm YES! I stood up, I whistled, I clapped, I shouted, I made it quite obvious that I was cheering for the visiting team. I've got to give the fans around me their dues - they didn't heckle me or give me a tough time at all. It probably helped that they were winning the entire game, but I'll still give them credit for being good sports. Overall, we had a blast at the game.
Sunday was the Sabbath, so we attended church, rested, and took a drive up Logan Canyon. It was beautiful! Sarah showed us a special spot that was peaceful and lovely. It was a nice, relaxing day.
Monday, before my meeting at USU, I walked around Sarah's neighborhood and up to the university. I could see myself living in Logan and attending the school; I was really impressed with both. So, I was kind of disappointed when I discovered during my meeting that the program wasn't what I wanted. The guy with whom I met talked about the three different Masters I could get, all heavily related to agriculture or natural resources. Yeah, not so much what I'm interested in. During this meeting, I also learned that there are two "branches" of Economics at USU. One is Economics and Finance and is part of the School of Business. The other is Applied Economics and is part of the School of Agriculture. Somehow, I ended up meeting with someone from the latter instead of the former. As I thought about it, I wondered if this guy hadn't fully disclosed what the other department could offer me. He made it sound like every Economics class offered at USU was doused in Agriculture. And he sounded a little bitter about the other "branch".
Back at home, I researched some more online and emailed the Economics and Finance department head. His PhD is in Econometrics and International Economics, two areas that highly interest me, and he earned both his BS and MS at USU. He emailed me back and said the Masters degree he earned is still available and it's more like a 1st year PhD program than a terminal Masters degree. He thinks it would be ideal for what I want to achieve and regretted that we hadn't been able to talk while I was in Logan. Yeah, me, too. Oh well. He told me to call him so we can discuss the program more and I will as soon as I get a spare moment. I'm excited that USU is still a possibility.
Next Up: I've tentatively planned a trip to Vegas for October 16-19 and hope to be able to meet with representatives from the culinary school and UNLV (their Masters program looks interesting). It also looks like my cousins will be able to be there that weekend, so it'll be another two-for-one trip: cousins weekend AND information gathering. I love killing two birds with one stone. Metaphorically, of course, I've never killed even ONE bird with a stone! Or with anything for that matter. I digress - surprise, surprise. Anyhoo, I'll let you know how that trip goes.
SUU lost. However, I was thrilled that they kept the game close until halfway through the 4th quarter. Prior to the game, I had wondered if I'd be as vocal a fan in a sea of "enemies" as when I'm surrounded by people cheering for my team. I answered that question with a firm YES! I stood up, I whistled, I clapped, I shouted, I made it quite obvious that I was cheering for the visiting team. I've got to give the fans around me their dues - they didn't heckle me or give me a tough time at all. It probably helped that they were winning the entire game, but I'll still give them credit for being good sports. Overall, we had a blast at the game.Sunday was the Sabbath, so we attended church, rested, and took a drive up Logan Canyon. It was beautiful! Sarah showed us a special spot that was peaceful and lovely. It was a nice, relaxing day.
Monday, before my meeting at USU, I walked around Sarah's neighborhood and up to the university. I could see myself living in Logan and attending the school; I was really impressed with both. So, I was kind of disappointed when I discovered during my meeting that the program wasn't what I wanted. The guy with whom I met talked about the three different Masters I could get, all heavily related to agriculture or natural resources. Yeah, not so much what I'm interested in. During this meeting, I also learned that there are two "branches" of Economics at USU. One is Economics and Finance and is part of the School of Business. The other is Applied Economics and is part of the School of Agriculture. Somehow, I ended up meeting with someone from the latter instead of the former. As I thought about it, I wondered if this guy hadn't fully disclosed what the other department could offer me. He made it sound like every Economics class offered at USU was doused in Agriculture. And he sounded a little bitter about the other "branch".
Back at home, I researched some more online and emailed the Economics and Finance department head. His PhD is in Econometrics and International Economics, two areas that highly interest me, and he earned both his BS and MS at USU. He emailed me back and said the Masters degree he earned is still available and it's more like a 1st year PhD program than a terminal Masters degree. He thinks it would be ideal for what I want to achieve and regretted that we hadn't been able to talk while I was in Logan. Yeah, me, too. Oh well. He told me to call him so we can discuss the program more and I will as soon as I get a spare moment. I'm excited that USU is still a possibility.
Next Up: I've tentatively planned a trip to Vegas for October 16-19 and hope to be able to meet with representatives from the culinary school and UNLV (their Masters program looks interesting). It also looks like my cousins will be able to be there that weekend, so it'll be another two-for-one trip: cousins weekend AND information gathering. I love killing two birds with one stone. Metaphorically, of course, I've never killed even ONE bird with a stone! Or with anything for that matter. I digress - surprise, surprise. Anyhoo, I'll let you know how that trip goes.
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