Thursday, January 24, 2008

Sunshine On A Cloudy Day

It's been a tough week.

I've been on the verge of getting sick for about two weeks, I haven't been sleeping well, and work is stressing me out. Oh, and I've been confused about what's going on with Anthony. So, my patience has been pretty threadbare, as has been my ability to cope with unpleasantness. Monday, my boss placed the proverbial straw that broke this camel's back, and I kind of came apart. Fortunately, he did it over the phone, so he couldn't see how mad he made me. Unfortunately, my coworker did. (Side note: I once told Adam that I don't feel guilt; I was wrong. I recently realized that I feel guilty when I get angry/frustrate/irritated/etc. and let it show. Main reason: I don't think it's fair that someone else has to cope with my inability to cope.) So, I felt mad all day at work then guilty all evening after work.

On Tuesday, my coworker expressed her appreciation for being able to witness my meltdown. She said she sometimes feels like a "horrible monster" because she gets mad more often than me, so it was good for her to see that I get upset, too. Glad to help. Later, in between patients, my boss and I were able to discuss things and get them kind of resolved. One of my issues was that he wasn't doing things that he promised to do that I needed to be done, and because they weren't getting done I was stressed. Another issue was that he didn't seem to care that he was causing me stress. After numerous apologies on both sides, we were okay again.

Tuesday night, I set myself up for not feeling good on Wednesday by staying up 'til after 2am reading a book (Stone Cold by David Baldacci). Knowing that I was mega tired and even more susceptible to irritability, I made a determined effort to walk into work with a smile on my face. However, before I even had a chance to take off my coat, I was told something was wrong. My computer wouldn't turn on, and since it's the hub of our network, the other computer couldn't access the files my coworker needed to do her work. An hour and one taken-apart computer later, the telephone tech support person decided that an on-site technician was needed and said one would be calling in 1-2 business days. As you can imagine, with neither computer functional, yesterday was pretty unproductive.

Fortunately, things started to pick up a bit at this point. I had decided to do laundry last night since I was in need of clean clothes and because I wanted to just sit around and do nothing all evening. I got on my grubbiest clothes, washed off all my makeup, and (thankfully) decided against putting my hair in pigtails. I went to my mom's house, put in a load of laundry, and watched an old episode of "America's Next Top Model". At 10 minutes to eight, Anthony texted me asking me out to dinner. I said I had already eaten but thanked him anyway. He then suggested we watch a movie together. I mentioned that I was at my mom's house doing laundry, and he asked if he could come over and watch a movie with me at her house. Keep in mind that I looked horrible! I thought it over; I wanted to see him but I didn't want him to see me like that (not yet anyway), so I suggested he meet me at my apartment in 30 minutes, he agreed, and I rushed home (leaving my laundry uncompleted) to throw on decent clothes, apply a little makeup, and tidy my apartment. This is why I was glad to have opted against pigtails - once my hair is in pigtails, my hair has to stay in pigtails until wetted and redone. Just as I finished doing everything, he knocked on my door. We talked for awhile then watched 3:10 to Yuma. We both really liked it and spent awhile after the movie talking about it and other movies. I yawned a little bit after midnight, he apologized for keeping me up so late, he gave me a big hug, and we said goodbye. Sigh. I really do like him. I'm not sure how much, but I do like him. He confuses me, but that's a whole 'nother post!

Today, after months of waiting, I finally got to go into the trailer that I'll be towing around to do industrial testing and was able to start setting things up. The fact that I haven't been able to do this has caused me no end of stress! Especially since I'm using it to test 200+ employees in less than 2 weeks and none of the equipment was installed and I havn't had a chance to do any trial runs. And because I'm a perfectionist, I like to have a lot of time to make things perfect. I spent a few hours getting the trailer ready and will need a few more hours until I feel like it's perfectly ready, but I feel ages better now that I've started. My brother, J., was in town and he helped me do some initial practice tests, just to make sure the equipment worked, so I took him out to lunch to say thank you. By the time I got back to the office, the computer technician had come and gone, and both computers now work perfectly! H-O-O-R-A-Y!!!

Now, all I need is a good night's sleep and I'll be doing just dandy! So, you don't have to avoid me anymore. :)

Monday, January 21, 2008

Step Away From The Angry Woman!

I'm in a bad mood today. If you can avoid me, do. For your own sake.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Resolutions Update

Don't think that I'm going to update you about my resolutions throughout the year - I may but I may not, depending on my mood. Anyhoo, here's how they're going so far:

Guitar: Hurts like a mug. Seriously, no one warned me (until afterwards) how painful playing the guitar is. My left-hand finger tips are sore, sore, sore. My teacher, Tyler, promised that as soon as I develop calluses that it won't be painful, and Cassie confirmed this during our cousins weekend, so I have hope. Pain aside, things are going okay. I'm certainly not a natural, though. My hands were made to play the clarinet and tenor sax; my fingers are short, stubby, and unflexible. Again, I'm hoping that with practice I'll be able to play decently; I'm not shooting for mega superstar, though if that happens I'll survive, I guess. It's been interesting to start over on an instrument - I haven't had to do that since 1993 with the saxophone, but it's not the same because the sax and clarinet were similar enough that I didn't feel like I was starting completely over again. Never mind my seemingly negative feelings. I'm actually really enjoying this experience, and I look forward to practicing every evening. Tonight is my second lesson, and I hope I've made a little progress.

Sign Language: Doesn't hurt like a mug. Thankfully! My first class was on Tuesday, and I really had a good time. The teacher seems fantastic; laid back, knowledgeable, humorous, nice. She knows Anthony, so she kind of teases me (I won't go into how she knows I know him, it's irrelevant). Fortunately, I don't mind being teased. In fact, I tend to think that people who tease me do so because they like me. I'm sure that isn't always the case, but it's easier to believe. Sometimes I wonder if I'm like an ostrich with her head buried in the sand. Sorry, tangent. My teacher, Debbie, said my hand movements were very graceful (which surprised me) and asked if I had taken sign before. I had learned the alphabet years ago and Anthony had shown me a few signs, but that's it. My family has always said I'd be a natural at signing because I tend to use my hands for emphasis while speaking. I'm excited to learn sign, and I met a few people that I look forward to knowing better. All in all, it should be a good experience. I'm already planning on taking the second class when this one finishes.

Shakespear: Honestly, it's going slowly. Fortunately, my friends and I finally finished "As You Like It" last night, so that's one down, many to go. I haven't read much on my own because I've been so busy and am reading other things. I'll definitely need to prioritize my time if I'm going to get this goal accomplished - why do I watch TV when I have better things to do? Seriously. It's not like I haven't seen every episode of Friends a million times!

Weight: I've lost 2 pounds! I had lost more until cousins weekend last weekend. (Thanks, Cassie, for saying you'll write about it - I'll write about the next one!) I'm not exercising as regularly as I'd like, due to being so busy lately, but at least I'm exercising. Thank heavens for PIUE and for my "Walk Away the Pounds" DVD! I would rather walk outside, but not in this cold. I went two weeks without eating out, until the aforementioned cousins weekend, and don't plan on eating out again 'til next weekend (plans with a high school friend I haven't seen for awhile) unless I go out with Anthony this weekend (a possibility - his sister wanted us to go on a double date last weekend but I was getting together with my cousins - how many times can I mention that? - so we postphoned it for this weekend but then their uncle died and they went to the funeral in Wyoming and will be gone 'til Friday and may not feel up to it Saturday after her baby shower to which I was invited and am planning on attending). How was that for a paranthetical comment!

Sabbath Day: Cousins weekend would have blown this except for the exception I gave myself for traveling. The Sunday before went well, though. I even kind of fasted.

Wow - that turned out longer than I had planned. You should know by now, though, that I tend to be wordy, so I'm sure you weren't surprised. :)

Thursday, January 03, 2008


Have I ever mentioned how much I love new beginnings? New years and new journals are my favorites because I'm so curious to see what will happen in the upcoming year and what events and people will fill the blank pages of my new journal. As luck would have it, this new year I'm also starting a new journal!

I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about my new year's resolutions this year; they kind of just fell in to place. Not that they'll be easy per se, but I feel pretty good about my ability to achieve them. If I don't complete them perfectly, that's okay, because sometimes it's okay to shoot for the stars and miss.

My Goals for 2008
1. Learn sign language. Yes, for the reason you think, but not just because of the reason you think. Even if whatever is happening with Anthony doesn't last long, sign language is a good skill to have. My classes start on the 15th and will be once a week for a couple months.
Side note: whenever I'm having a hard time expressing something to Anthony, my first inclination is to try it in French! Seriously!

2. Learn to play the guitar. My dad gives us money for Christmas, we buy what we want, then he wraps them, and we open them at Christmas. This is the second year he did this, and both times I wanted to buy myself something I wouldn't have bought otherwise (last year I bought a Playstation 2 and a dance video game), this year I bought the guitar. My lessons start next Thursday and will be once a week all year (though there will be breaks).

3. Read the complete works of William Shakespeare. My friends and I have read 1 and 3/4 plays (all of Othello and most of As You Like It), so I'm counting those as having been read, but all the others I'm going to either reread (Romeo and Juliet, for example) or read for the first time. My mom gave me a beautiful book with all his writings, so I'm all set to accomplish this goal! The first play I'm reading is Comedy of Errors. It's my first time reading it, so I'm pretty excited.

4. Lose 20 pounds. I need to lose a lot more than this, but I figured this is a good start. I had this goal last year and actually achieved it - I had lost 26 pounds before my cruise in August. Unfortunately, I gained a lot of that back due to lack of consistent exercise, stress, and eating out more than ever in my entire life. This year I'm starting out in a better position that last year (I didn't gain it all back, fortunately), and I feel pretty committed, but not obsessesive. You'll still see me eat pizza and chocolate and bread and... I'm getting hungry, so I'll stop that list!

5. Keep the Sabbath Day holy. This may be bad to admit, but I don't have a testimony of doing this. I understand the reasons I've been told all my life, but they don't really mean a lot to me, so I'm going to gain a testimony of it through doing it and through prayer. *Ahem* Of course, because I'm still me, traveling and other exceptions will still exist. *Ahem* I just won't break the sabbath habitually. *Sheepish grin*

I would also like to work on my posture again this year (it was a 2006 goal), but since I had a hard time quantifying my progress last time, I'm just making it something I'd like to keep in mind, and not an actual "goal".

Plans for 2008
1. Trip to Portland in February. I'm beginning to realize the perks of deciding to stay at this job; a new laptop, getting to drive a cool, huge truck, and a trip to Portland to name just a few. As part of my new job duties, I became a member of the National Hearing Conservation Association and get to go to the annual convention which is being held in Portland this year. One of the reasons I'm going is to meet with my contact at the new account I established; she's based in Portland. I love Portland, so I'm super excited for this all-expenses paid trip!

2. Trip with my mom, Cassie, and her mom in August. We don't have all the details planned (we really need to), but we're leaning towards Chicago. I've never been there, so I'm excited to go somewhere new. Of course, we may end up going somewhere else, but frankly, I'm happy to go pretty much anywhere - especially if I've never been there before.

3. Utah Shakespearean Festival. Since I'm staying put, I'm planning on attending this annual event with my family again this year. I'm especially excited to see Othello, since I've only read it (just a couple months ago) and can't wait to see how it's interpreted by the director and actors.

4. Traveling all over the state. This is another work perk. One of the accounts I set up has locations all over the state, so I'll get to travel a lot this year. Did I mention the tricked out truck I get to drive? It's so huge that I feel like I'm climbing Mt. Everest to get in. Fortunately, we're installing a step (not the correct term, but I'm drawing a blank) so I'll be able to get in more easily. I am a bit nervous about driving such a huge truck - did I mention that I'll also be towing a 35-foot trailer with thousands of dollars worth of equipment???

5. Spending lots of time with the people I love. I am so extremely blessed with such amazing friends, a loving family, and wonderful coworkers. I know this year will bring a lot of interesting, fun, educational, and just dang good times with them (you) all.