Where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?
Where's the street-wise Hercules to fight the rising odds?
Isn't there a a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need.
I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night.
He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.
I need a hero.
I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light.
He's gotta be sure and it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life.
Somewhere after midnight in my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach there's someone reaching back for me.
Racing on the thunder end, rising with the heat
It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet.
I need a hero.
Bonnie Tyler originally sang this song on the Footloose soundtrack, but I recently restumbled upon the song while listening to the Shrek 2 soundtrack. And loved it. A lot.
As I listened to it (over and over again), I thought about the kind of guy I'm holding out for. He doesn't necessarily have to be "fresh from the fight", but I like the idea of him being strong and sure. A few years ago, I made a list about the qualities I want in a man. I think it's time to update it, since the last year or so has given me new experiences and interactions that have added clarity to my thoughts about men. A little.
1. Intelligent. I love to hear a smart guy talk about interesting things. I especially love debating with a smart man, as long as we can both stay fairly civil. I don't really care if he has had a lot of education (I have a friend who won't date someone unless they have her degree or higher - she has a Masters), because I think a person can be extremely intelligent without a degree. Also, one can have a college degree and be as dumb as a post. No, what I care about is if his mind works. Does he like to learn? Is he interested in things outside of his personal area? If not, I can be friends with him, but I don't see how I could be with him forever.
2. Positive. Have you ever been around a person who never seems to have anything positive to say? It's tiresome! I understand that people have bad days/weeks/months/etc., so a little negativity is acceptable. Sometimes, it's even a little funny. However, when it seems to be an inherent part of the guy's personality, I can only handle it on a limited basis. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with someone who can't seem to have a good day to save his life.
3. Helpful. I love to go camping with my dad. The first time I went with him, I was struck by how helpful he was. He never sat around watching other people work. If he saw something that needed doing, he did it. If he saw someone working, he helped. I began to notice that he is like this at home and other places, too. I really admire this quality, I hope to emulate it, and I certainly want a man who has it, to some degree or other.
4. Likes My Company. This seems like an obvious thing, but I've noticed that it isn't always. I've had boyfriends who seem to only want to be around me when they don't have anything else to do. They'd rather be with friends, play video games, or sit at home watching tv than hang out with me, their girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect, or want, my guy to be with me every second of the day, not even every other second of the day. I don't have to come first all the time, but every once in awhile, yes. My grandpa once told me why he thinks his marriage was so successful; they both would rather be with each other than anyone else. Not that they couldn't be happy in the company of others, they just preferred each other's. That's what I want.
5. Libido. Forgive me, but this has really become an important quality to me. Mostly due to the lack of it I've found in some men. I don't even think it made my last list - I took for granted it was a given in a relationship - but now I'd rank it pretty high on the list of deal breakers if it's not there. (This current list is not in order of importance, by the way.) I want a man who wants to kiss me! Why is that so difficult? I want someone who likes to make-out (sorry, grandma!), to cuddle, to hug, to hold hands, etc. I don't want to feel like the only one who wants the physical side of the relationship. When I'm with a guy who won't kiss me, etc., I don't feel attractive. It's hard enough for me to feel attractive without having to feel like that because of the man I'm with.
6. Strong. Yes, physically strong would be nice. I noticed when I moved how much easier it was for men to move my stuff up the flight of stairs than it was for me to do so. Muscles are an amazing thing. However, I also mean strong in other senses. I want a man who is spiritually and emotionally strong as well. Not that he can't have weaknesses, but when I need a shoulder to lean on, he's strong enough to help support me. Someone I can look up to, someone I can count on, someone who has integrity. Strong. Hmmm. I once had a micro-second crush on an Elder Strong on my mission, but that's a story for another day. Maybe.
7. Interested In Me. Another supposed given, but again, I've experienced the lack of this with a guy who was my boyfriend! I guess it's because I have a healthy interest in other people, so I tend to want to get to know more about the men I date. It starts to irritate me when they don't show any interest back, when they don't ask a single question about me that goes beyond "how was your day" or "how was work". If you've heard the Rascal Flats song, "Take Me There", that's what I'm talking about. I want someone to be interested in what makes me tick, who I am, who I was, who I want to be, etc. Not that I want them to grill me on every date or during every conversation, but to occassionally step out of themselves and ask, "So, Julie, tell me about the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you." Or something like that.
8. Brave. Frankly, yes, I would rather have a guy who isn't too scared to squash a bug or check what went bump in the night, but that's not exactly what I mean. By brave, I mean a guy who has the courage to ask me out if he likes me, to make the move when he wants to kiss me (see #5), to continue to progess the relationship even though we're both scared to death. Someone who doesn't run at the first sign of trouble or difficulty.
I'm sure this list will evolve, as it has since the last time I blogged about it. In fact, I hope it does, because every fairly significant encounter I have with men affects my list, and I want more encounters!
Then, someday, a guy will come along who will just...fit. My hero.