Those of you who know me well know that I don't ask out boys. Not on first dates, that is. I'm very big on reciprocal dates - asking a guy out only after he has asked me out 2-3 times. I'm not against other girls asking boys out on first dates (I'm actually quite impressed by them), I just don't do it myself. There are reasons for this stance, but they are not the topic of this post.
Today, I got as close to asking a guy out on a first date as I could possibly get without actually asking him on a date.
I asked him if he wanted to go watch softball with me. He said yes.
Okay, tell me the truth, am I lame?
Never mind, don't answer that. I think I already know.
Here's the deal. I really like this guy. He does things that make me think he might like me (though they could be interpreted to mean he just enjoys my friendship). He's shy and really good-looking. And, I'm a coward.
I've heard that guys love when a girl they like asks them out but that they hate when a girl they don't like asks them out. Seriously, what's a girl to do? He's not asking me out. Is it because he doesn't like me or because he's shy and doesn't realize I like him. How to let him know I like him in case he likes me without making him worried I like him if he doesn't like me? See? This is why I don't ask guys out until they've asked me out a few times.
Not that this is a date. It's two people walking to the softball park and watching one of the people's old roommate's fiance play softball. No one is picking up the other. No one is paying for the other to do or eat anything.
Somehow, I'm not comforted. I feel like I've played my cards and am now just hoping for the best. This is how people get burned. It's also how people get big rewards. It's the law of Risk Management. The more you risk, the larger the potential reward or loss. I have a low Risk Tolerance - I usually only make sure bets. Maybe that's why I'm still in the game.
My brother often says "Go Big or Go Home" when we play games. I think it's his way of goading me into doing something foolish, but a lot of times I've ended up winning the game when I've adopted that attitude. I guess I've decided it's time for me to Go Big.
We'll see what happens.