Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Being Brave

Those of you who know me well know that I don't ask out boys. Not on first dates, that is. I'm very big on reciprocal dates - asking a guy out only after he has asked me out 2-3 times. I'm not against other girls asking boys out on first dates (I'm actually quite impressed by them), I just don't do it myself. There are reasons for this stance, but they are not the topic of this post.

Today, I got as close to asking a guy out on a first date as I could possibly get without actually asking him on a date.

I asked him if he wanted to go watch softball with me. He said yes.

Okay, tell me the truth, am I lame?

Never mind, don't answer that. I think I already know.

Here's the deal. I really like this guy. He does things that make me think he might like me (though they could be interpreted to mean he just enjoys my friendship). He's shy and really good-looking. And, I'm a coward.

I've heard that guys love when a girl they like asks them out but that they hate when a girl they don't like asks them out. Seriously, what's a girl to do? He's not asking me out. Is it because he doesn't like me or because he's shy and doesn't realize I like him. How to let him know I like him in case he likes me without making him worried I like him if he doesn't like me? See? This is why I don't ask guys out until they've asked me out a few times.

Not that this is a date. It's two people walking to the softball park and watching one of the people's old roommate's fiance play softball. No one is picking up the other. No one is paying for the other to do or eat anything.

Somehow, I'm not comforted. I feel like I've played my cards and am now just hoping for the best. This is how people get burned. It's also how people get big rewards. It's the law of Risk Management. The more you risk, the larger the potential reward or loss. I have a low Risk Tolerance - I usually only make sure bets. Maybe that's why I'm still in the game.

My brother often says "Go Big or Go Home" when we play games. I think it's his way of goading me into doing something foolish, but a lot of times I've ended up winning the game when I've adopted that attitude. I guess I've decided it's time for me to Go Big.

We'll see what happens.


Framed said...

Obviously you had to make some kind of a move since he wouldn't. Maybe going to the softball game together will give him the nudge he needs.

Melissa said...

You go girl, I totally think that it is okay to ask a guy out. I hope that you have fun together at the game and hopefully he will make the next move!!!

KieraAnne said...

I hope everything turns out okay. I ame the same way. I would never ask a guy out first because I would assume that if they wanted to talk or go out with me than they would ask me. If they haven't then they probably werent' interested and will now feel very awkward and put upon that I broached the subject and consequently made everything in our relationship wierd. But Patrick tells me I'm just silly and not all guys are like that. So who knows. Let us know how it turns out. :)

Susan said...

I'm just wondering if HE reads your blog. If he does, do you think he may just know how you feel?! I've met him, and he does seem very nice. And he is cute. Just give him time--how could he not realize what a fun, special person you are. Do I sound like your mother!

Anonymous said...

A date by another name would smell as ... sweet?

To date or not to date?

I think I get hung up on what a "date" is/isn't. I am in the mode that EVERYTHING counts as a date these days... which actually helps calm me down, oddly enough.

I think what you did/are doing is a wonderful thing.

And I hope you have a great - and very comfortable - and fun time.

Booklogged said...

So I'm reading Susan's comment and I'm thinking, "I don't recall anyone named Susan commenting on Julie's blog before." I didn't catch on until she said, "Do I sound like your mother?" Good grief! It's embarrassing and a bit disturbing to be so, so . . . I can't even think of the right word. (That's not to say I want anyone else to think of the right word and to provide it.)

I think what you did was perfect. If it were me I'd let him make the next move, but that's just me.

Madman said...


Does it help to know I go through the same spectrum of thoughts when I ask a girl out for the first time?

Cardine said...

Sometimes when I ask people to do things like that, I don't consider it a date. I guess because I just like to do stuff with people. I figure that if a guy likes me, he'll ask me out, and if he doesn't do that, then we are friends, and I feel comfortable asking them to do whatever.