Last night, I stayed up way too late reading. I didn't stay awake in order to keep reading; I couldn't sleep so figured I might as well read. I came across this Chinese proverb: Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one. My first thought was, That makes sense. I tried to continue with the story, but I kept thinking about the proverb. In a moment of clarity, I realized that I am more like a pebble than a diamond - taking the flaw part out of the equation. And, I'm okay with that.
It's hard sometimes to not compare myself with the women in my life. Most of them are thinner than me, wear stylish clothes, look great even without makeup, and seem so put together. I still have 35 pounds to lose to get to my pre-pregnancy weight (and am making no progress); I wear loose-fitting clothes that are definitely more comfortable than stylish (not that clothes can't be both, but mine aren't); mascara and facial lotion are the extent of my makeup most days; and now that my hair is long enough, it's usually in a pony tail. I'm usually okay with these choices, until I get around these other women in my life, then I feel like a drudge. It's not their fault and I certainly don't blame them.
While thinking about diamonds versus pebbles, I though about how many members of my family collect pebbles. My mom has dozens on her back patio that she has picked up from all over. Each one is unique in size, shape, color, and texture. My son loves to play with them. Even though I don't collect pebbles, wherever I go, my eyes scan the earth looking at the different rocks, appreciating the variety.
I'm a pebble. It's the choice I make. My husband loves me and thinks I'm beautiful. My son adores me and doesn't think about the clothes I wear, how my hair is done, or my lack of makeup when he cuddles into my plump body or gazes into my eyes with a huge smile. Someday, he'll realize that some of his friends have younger, cuter, thinner moms, but I know he'll still love me because I'm his mama.
I don't need to feel unattractive when I'm around women who are more attractive than me. They may be diamonds or emeralds or rubys or granite, but I'm a pebble and am proud of it. I'm unique. I'm simple. I'm strong and dependable. I'm down-to-earth. I'm beautiful.
4 comments:
Good analogy and insight. I just like to think that if we were all diamonds, it would be boring (even though I think that nobody is a flawless diamond). And also, diamonds are only valuable because we have decided that they are somehow more valuable than other jewels/rocks, partially because of marketing. Each jewel/rock has its own qualities that are desirable in various situations and for various purposes. I like variety, so I am grateful for all rocks in all their varieties.
Can I just say how much I love you?
wow was that last comment spam or what?
I didn't realize you had a post up, I'm glad I saw this...eventually.
I love this post too; since moving to town, I find myself feeling a lot more self conscious compared to the other moms. I always did my hair and makeup whenever I drove to town, but now that I live here I dont really feel like starting the habit of wearing makeup everyday just because I might see people. I try not to think about what other people might be thinking of me, but sometimes its hard!
Love you Julie!
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