Sunshine On A Cloudy Day

It's been a tough week.

I've been on the verge of getting sick for about two weeks, I haven't been sleeping well, and work is stressing me out. Oh, and I've been confused about what's going on with Anthony. So, my patience has been pretty threadbare, as has been my ability to cope with unpleasantness. Monday, my boss placed the proverbial straw that broke this camel's back, and I kind of came apart. Fortunately, he did it over the phone, so he couldn't see how mad he made me. Unfortunately, my coworker did. (Side note: I once told Adam that I don't feel guilt; I was wrong. I recently realized that I feel guilty when I get angry/frustrate/irritated/etc. and let it show. Main reason: I don't think it's fair that someone else has to cope with my inability to cope.) So, I felt mad all day at work then guilty all evening after work.

On Tuesday, my coworker expressed her appreciation for being able to witness my meltdown. She said she sometimes feels like a "horrible monster" because she gets mad more often than me, so it was good for her to see that I get upset, too. Glad to help. Later, in between patients, my boss and I were able to discuss things and get them kind of resolved. One of my issues was that he wasn't doing things that he promised to do that I needed to be done, and because they weren't getting done I was stressed. Another issue was that he didn't seem to care that he was causing me stress. After numerous apologies on both sides, we were okay again.

Tuesday night, I set myself up for not feeling good on Wednesday by staying up 'til after 2am reading a book (Stone Cold by David Baldacci). Knowing that I was mega tired and even more susceptible to irritability, I made a determined effort to walk into work with a smile on my face. However, before I even had a chance to take off my coat, I was told something was wrong. My computer wouldn't turn on, and since it's the hub of our network, the other computer couldn't access the files my coworker needed to do her work. An hour and one taken-apart computer later, the telephone tech support person decided that an on-site technician was needed and said one would be calling in 1-2 business days. As you can imagine, with neither computer functional, yesterday was pretty unproductive.

Fortunately, things started to pick up a bit at this point. I had decided to do laundry last night since I was in need of clean clothes and because I wanted to just sit around and do nothing all evening. I got on my grubbiest clothes, washed off all my makeup, and (thankfully) decided against putting my hair in pigtails. I went to my mom's house, put in a load of laundry, and watched an old episode of "America's Next Top Model". At 10 minutes to eight, Anthony texted me asking me out to dinner. I said I had already eaten but thanked him anyway. He then suggested we watch a movie together. I mentioned that I was at my mom's house doing laundry, and he asked if he could come over and watch a movie with me at her house. Keep in mind that I looked horrible! I thought it over; I wanted to see him but I didn't want him to see me like that (not yet anyway), so I suggested he meet me at my apartment in 30 minutes, he agreed, and I rushed home (leaving my laundry uncompleted) to throw on decent clothes, apply a little makeup, and tidy my apartment. This is why I was glad to have opted against pigtails - once my hair is in pigtails, my hair has to stay in pigtails until wetted and redone. Just as I finished doing everything, he knocked on my door. We talked for awhile then watched 3:10 to Yuma. We both really liked it and spent awhile after the movie talking about it and other movies. I yawned a little bit after midnight, he apologized for keeping me up so late, he gave me a big hug, and we said goodbye. Sigh. I really do like him. I'm not sure how much, but I do like him. He confuses me, but that's a whole 'nother post!

Today, after months of waiting, I finally got to go into the trailer that I'll be towing around to do industrial testing and was able to start setting things up. The fact that I haven't been able to do this has caused me no end of stress! Especially since I'm using it to test 200+ employees in less than 2 weeks and none of the equipment was installed and I havn't had a chance to do any trial runs. And because I'm a perfectionist, I like to have a lot of time to make things perfect. I spent a few hours getting the trailer ready and will need a few more hours until I feel like it's perfectly ready, but I feel ages better now that I've started. My brother, J., was in town and he helped me do some initial practice tests, just to make sure the equipment worked, so I took him out to lunch to say thank you. By the time I got back to the office, the computer technician had come and gone, and both computers now work perfectly! H-O-O-R-A-Y!!!

Now, all I need is a good night's sleep and I'll be doing just dandy! So, you don't have to avoid me anymore. :)