I had a crazy weekend.
It was a good weekend, for all its craziness. The job went remarkably well. The officer in charge of the physicals was really impressed with me and asked if I'd be free and willing to come again next weekend, April 18 - 20. I would like to, but my boss is still unsure about how he feels about letting me work on Sundays. Everyone I worked with this past weekend was great; helpfuly, friendly, efficient. I'd enjoy working with them again. You see, a unit from Denver came to Montrose and Grand Junction to administer the physicals. Normally, they make the individual units travel to Denver, but for some reason, this weekend and this other time, they're going onsite. That's why they needed an independent audio van - their hearing testing facilities aren't mobile. It was really nice to work with the same group Saturday and Sunday - we really worked well together and things ran smoothly. It was nice.
It's also why the weekend was crazy. The liasion between me and the Denver unit was this really attractive black sergeant, for now we'll call him Sgt. T. He introduced himself when I arrived Saturday morning and explained that he'd coordinate the people going to the trailer to be tested and would be there if I had any questions or if I needed anything. I thanked him and went to the trailer to set up. Throughout the morning, Sgt. T would stop by to check on me. He was very nice, very helpful, and things wouldn't have gone as well as they did without him. At one point, I thought that Alyson would find him really attractive. I say that to let you know that I only thought of him as a nice guy, not someone I was interested in, even though he was nice and good-looking. The role he played in the craziness comes later.
About an hour before I finished testing on Saturday, I met several members of the Denver unit. They had come to compare names of who had and hadn't been tested by all the different people, including myself. When they left, one of the guys stayed behind to chat with me. I didn't know why, but I didn't mind because he was quiet enough and let me continue to work while we talked. He was pretty attractive, too, by the way. Anyway, we ended up getting into a debate about ear care and he got pretty passionate about it, it was amusing. He really wanted me to agree with him and I didn't and nothing he said could change my mine. It took me awhile to realize that he was flirting with me. It was kind of funny. At one point, we discovered that we're both Mormon, though he's inactive. Of course. He told me to call him Fred and asked if he could call me Julie, as opposed to Miss M____. I said yes, of course. Fred was the one that told me that we'd all be working together Sunday in Grand Junction. I had a lot of fun talking to him, especially arguing with him. When I finished testing, he left to finish his paperwork. Then my dad and I packed up and headed to Grand Junction.
Sunday morning I reported to the armory a little before the time I was told to be there, because I'm a freak about time, so I was ready to go earlier than they expected. So, I just sat in the trailer for 15 minutes, waiting for the first people to come. The door opened and it was Sgt. T checking to see if I needed anything. I said no and told him I was ready to start any time. Instead of going to get the first group, he stayed for a few minutes to chat. Throughout the morning he came by to "check on me" a lot more than he had the previous day. After a few visits, he started to get really flirtatious. One time he came in and said, "Hello, beautiful." I just rolled my eyes and shook me head. Men! He started lightly touching my arm when he left. Then one time when he left he held my hand for a second. Call me dumb, because I am, but I didn't think much of any of this. In my defense, I was busy working! And, I'm oblivious.
Well, one time he came to compare how many people I'd tested to how many he thought had been tested. I gave him my sticky note pad and he jotted down a couple numbers on one, ripped it off, and wrote something else down on another sheet. He ripped this off the pad and gave it to me, saying, "This is top-secret." I looked at him quizzingly then looked at what he'd written. He'd written his name, Shawn, and his phone number. I looked up him, eye brows raised, and he explained that they aren't suppose to hit on contractors, which is why it needed to be a secret. I asked him why he was doing it then. He said that he couldn't help himself, I'm too beautiful. I said hooey. He laughed and asked who says hooey nowadays. I laughed and said that I say hooey, especially when it's warranted. He leaned down (I was seated, he was standing), looked into my eyes, and told me that I have the most amazing smile and that he'd spent the night thinking about it. I blushed and looked down. He lifted my chin and looked me in the eye again. Then he kissed me. I saw the kiss coming a split second before it happened, but not soon enough to do anything about it. It was a light kiss, and his lips were really soft. Fortunately, people were coming, we could hear their voices, so he pulled away and left as they came into the trailer. As I was testing them I kept repeating to myself, did that really just happen?? Shawn came back a couple times after the kiss but people were always there, so he didn't stay long.
I had a bit of a break at one point and the door opened. I turned toward the door, expecting to see Shawn, but it was Fred. He said he'd been thinking about me all night and wanted to stop by to say hi. He asked how my evening was and where I'd stayed the night. When I told him, we discovered that our hotels had been across the street from each other. He said it was too bad we hadn't known the day before, we could have done something together in the evening. I laughed and said that I had enjoyed spending time with my dad. We renewed our debate about ear care and I asked why he was so intent to persuade me. He replied that he just liked arguing with me. He was about to say something else, but the door opened and Shawn was there. He asked Fred why he was there when he should be doing paperwork. Fred said he'd come see me again later and left. Shawn asked me if I minded Fred being there, that if I did, he'd tell Fred not to come again. I said I didn't mind, that we were debating ear care issues and mentioned what we'd discovered about our hotels. Shawn had stayed where Fred had, and he said the same thing Fred had about us being able to spend time together had we known. I repeated what I had said to Fred about my dad. We were both silent for a moment, then Shawn stepped toward me. A little panicked, I asked him how many people were left for me to test. He said he'd go check and let me know, then he left.
I tested a few people before Shawn returned with the info. He told me how many were left, then said he wasn't sure if he'd get a chance to say goodbye to me before he had to go, so he wanted to then. I knew he was going to try to kiss me again, so when he leaned forward, I hugged him instead of letting him kiss me. Normally, I wouldn't hug someone I had barely met, but I figured it was the better of the two options. However, when I pulled away from the hug, Shawn's hand went under my hair and settled right where my head meets my neck, and he pulled my head close and kissed me. Twice. Again, soft, light kisses. I pulled away, eye brows raised, what are you doing? He chuckled and whispered that he had wanted to kiss me again ever since the first kiss and could barely think of anything else all day. I blushed redder than a radish and just shook my head. He asked me if I didn't believe him and I said I didn't know. Then he kissed me again. Sigh. It's been a long time since I've been kissed like that. A long time. I finally pulled away and sat down. It was time to tell him about my boyfriend.
Okay, on the drive home from Colorado, I replayed everything that had happened with Shawn and Fred a million times in my head. I realize that I could have handled the situation in many different ways, and several of them would have been better than how I actually handled it. However, in the moment, I just reacted to what was happening without analyzing what I should do or say. Now, I know I should have mentioned my boyfriend a whole lot sooner than I did, but I just didn't think I'd need to. I honestly didn't realize what was happening until it happened. I can't explain it any better. I'm sorry.
Back to the story. I sat down to tell Shawn about Anthony, but the door opened with the next group to be tested, so Shawn left. It should have only taken 30 minutes to test the remaining people, but there were unseen complications and it took a lot longer. During this time, Fred and Shawn repeatedly stopped by to talk to me. Once, they came seconds apart and we spent a fairly awkward few minutes talking. At least, I felt uncomfortable, I don't know about them. Both had made their intentions fairly clear (for brevity's sake, I've left out some of the things said to me during their various visits), AND we all knew they weren't suppose to be hitting on me, but they were, and we all knew it. At one point, I was talking to my dad, who had shown up because I had thought I'd be done, explaining why I wasn't done yet, and Shawn came over to tell me I only had three people left and they were being rounded up. I introduced him to my dad and told my dad that Shawn had been my liaison for the two days. Shawn said he'd enjoyed taking care of me and that I was a remarkable woman. I could have died.
Finally, everyone had been tested and we were all packing up to head out. Fred stopped by and said that he hoped we'd be working together more in the future. He said he had enjoyed meeting me and that I was an amazing woman. I thanked him and said I'd enjoyed talking to him. He told me to stay out of trouble, and when I joked that I always stay out of trouble because I'm an angel, he stepped really close (I wondered if he was going to kiss me, but he didn't) and whispered that I was an angel. He started to say something, hesistated, then he said goodbye and left. Shortly after he left, Shawn returned. We went over the final numbers and verified that all the paperwork had been taken care of, then it was time to say our goodbyes. I knew he was going to kiss me and I was resigned to let him. At this point, I figured it was over, so what the hay. Before he made his move, though, he asked me how long it would take me to get home. I told him and he did a quick calculation to come up with how long it would take him to drive to my home from Denver. He said he'd finally decided where he'd like to go for his vacation. Again, I just smiled and shook my head in disbelief. It was too much! He chuckled and pulled me in for a light kiss. After it ended, he went in for another kiss but I was done, so I pulled away firmly. He smiled and we said goodbye. I didn't see either of them again. A little while later, Dad and I headed home.
It's times like these that I realize how inexperienced, stupid, and naive I am. I'm not used to attractive men hitting on me, especially as obviously as Shawn. I don't have practice in handling those situations. However, I should say that at no point did I feel like I couldn't take care of myself. When I was uncomfortable, it was because I'm not used to such flattery, not because I felt harrassed or in danger. Does that make sense? I know that at any time I could have stopped what was happening and they would have respected my wishes. I didn't, though, and I'm feeling a lot of guilt and confusion about that. I ask myself if I'd have let it happen if I weren't so uncertain about my relationship with Anthony. Not that it should matter; I have a boyfriend and yet I let two men hit on me, even kiss me! The truth is, it's been years and years since I've felt like a guy has been attracted to me, has desired me, and it felt incredibly good. I don't get that from Anthony. But, then perhaps that's a post for another day.