Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Last Night

So...last night I almost broke up with Anthony. NO, not because of Shawn - don't be silly. Truth be told, I had been thinking about doing it for over a week but hadn't made up my mind.

As I hinted at in my last post, I haven't felt all that desirable around Anthony. Part of it is due to my physical flaws, but another part of it has to do with him, and I'm not going to go into that. Sorry. For awhile, I had been feeling like the physical side of our relationship was seriously lacking. There had been such serious talk on the emotion aspect of our relationship - heck, our marriage is practically a given to him - however, there hasn't been the physical aspect to go along with the emotional, so I've been left feeling like he loves me but isn't attracted to me. The situation with Shawn really made me realize what I was missing - to feel like a man wanted me was heavenly! Even if it was insincere (who knows), he was at least acting like it was sincere!

I asked Anthony to come over last night. He had something he needed to do first, so I had about 45 minutes to think about what I was going to do. I prayed for the guidance and courage to do what would be best. Shortly before he arrived (5 minutes early, no less!), I came to the very sudden conclusion that I didn't want to break up with him. I just didn't. So, when I told him about Shawn and he asked me if I wanted to be with Shawn more than him, I could look him in the eyes and truthfully say no. He wasn't mad about Shawn; he said he was shocked, but not mad or hurt. He was glad I had told him, honesty is very important in a relationship. I wasn't always sure if I was going to tell him or not. Several people had suggested I not tell him, so as not to hurt him needlessly, but when Cassie told me she'd go with what her gut said, I knew I needed to. My gut was screaming for me to tell him.

After we settled the Shawn incident, we ended up talking for a long time about our physical relationship. It just came up without me even having to get up the nerve to bring it up! How's that for cool??? I really appreciated how open we could be with each other and was amazed by how comfortable I felt talking to him about such personal, sensitive issues. At the end of the chat, I felt closer to him than I ever have, and I know he felt the same because he acted like he did. And if anything, I believe that Anthony is sincere.

I don't know if we'll "end up together", but right now, today, I'm happy we're together. I want to be with him. I want him in my life. I want him as my boyfriend.

Lucky for me, he feels the same about me.


julie said...

P.S. I emailed Shawn today. I told him the truth; I have a boyfriend, but was thisclose to breaking up with him last weekend, but now I want to work things out with him. Of course, I put it better than that, but you get the idea. So, hopefully that puts that whole amazingly crazy Shawn incident to rest. :)

Booklogged said...

Glad to hear things are going well. Aren't you glad to know there is prayer and personal revelation available to us?

Mellissa Hunt said...

I'm glad you worked things out with Anthony. It's tough when a relationship is so good, but when there is something important to you that's missing, it makes a big difference. Hopefully, Anthony will show his emotional affections for you through more physical means. In a good way! I love you and you're beautiful.

Cassie said...

So happy you were able to work things out. I'm glad was able to talk to you to help you come up with your own decision to tell him. You'll have to let me know if Shawn emails you back.

tearese said...

I'm glad you talked to him about it so he had a chance to change things, rather than jumping the gun and breaking up first.I think a lot of guys in this area are afraid to (or don't know how) to show affection that way. Its just the culture.
I knew a guy at my last job in Cedar City, who wasn't going to kiss anyone until he was engaged to them. Yeah, I wonder if he's still single.

James & Melissa's Family said...

I hope that Anthony knows what a good thing he's got and will try to show affection to you better. True its not the only thing in a relationship, but it is a big thing, to feel attracted to and wanted by the person that you dating or married for that fact. So I hope for your sake that you get that affection from him, you deserve it. Good Luck!

*When do I get to meet him? We should all get together and have dinner to meet him.

julie said...

Book, YES, I'm so thankful for prayer and personal revelation!!

Missy, thank you, I love you, too.

Cassie, I appreciated your advice, it made a big difference. Shawn did email me back. He said that he understood and that if I ever think he and I have a chance to call him. And, he'd love to still be my friend.

Tearese, yeah, I've heard about people who have that idea. I would never be able to date someone who wouldn't kiss me. A lot. On a regular basis. :)

julie said...

Melissa, how did you sneak in before me? I just barely realized it!

Hmmm. When would you like to meet him???

James & Melissa's Family said...

It was by one minute, barely. I don't care when I meet him, I just want to. What would you want to do, just hang out sometime, go to dinner, come over here, get together with everyone, whatever you think would be best. I can get away most evenings, Sat. nights, whenever. You let me know what you want to do about it and we can go from there. How does that sound?