Thursday, September 18, 2008


Temptation, thy name is Anthony.

It's been months since I broke up with him, so why is he still vexing me?

He came into my office recently, and we chatted for too long (I ended up being late for my "date" with Melissa.) I still find him extremely good-looking, and he's growing his hair out again, which I find particularly fetching. I haven't seen him in a few weeks, so his handsomeness hit me particularly hard. Curse him!

While we were talking, his mom texted him, asking where he was and if he wanted to eat dinner with them. He texted back that he was talking to me at my work. She asked if I was going out with him again. He read me her question then cocked a single eyebrow at me, "Well, what should I tell her?" He grinned.

I know he still likes me. He still talks about when we get married. He tells me I look pretty. He says other nice things to me. We have a good time together. He makes me laugh, we can talk about everything - nothing is off-limits, and he likes me. I know this. I trust this. This is unusual for me. It's a tempting, tempting idea to give "us" another try.

So, I was tempted to bat my eyelashes and say, Tell her 'yes'. I knew I should shake my head sorrowfully and say, It's probably best that you tell her 'no'. Instead, I chickened out and shot back at him, You haven't asked. What was I thinking???

He told me what he was writing as he wrote. He wrote, I haven't asked her, yet. YET? Who said anything about 'yet'? She wrote back, ASK HER! He showed me her text and I panicked. What if he asked? What would I say?

He looked at me and told me that his mom (and the rest of his family) really likes me and thought that he and I looked really good together. They want us to get back together, he said. I reciprocated by saying that my family had really liked him, too, and especially enjoyed playing games with him.

*Moment of awkward silence. *

I felt like he was gearing up to say something, so I quickly averted the possibility of having to accept or reject him by asking him how his mom's business was going. I followed up his responses with more questions. We went off on this subject for awhile, which led to another tangent, which led to another tangent, etc. 'til I started telling him I needed to go. The subject never came up again.

Whew. Temptation over.

The problem is, I shouldn't be tempted. I have very good reasons for not dating him. I know these reasons very well. They are very good reasons!

Sigh. Heaven help me.


Framed said...

I'm all out of advice but am sending you loads of moral support.

Alyson said...

No advice here either, sorry. I will follow Framed's example and send moral support.

Mellissa said...

Ah, redirection - a great form of getting out of a sticky situation. I use it all the time on my kids.

I think (and this is just me rambling) you will always feel that temptation for Anthony until you have what you really want in the relationship category, whether that's you single or dating or engaged, or married, or whatever.

In any case, good luck. You will find someone to be with, and the right reasons to be with them.

Anonymous said...

Why do men do this to us?
Why do they have this kind of power over our hearts?
Why do our brains go fuzzy when they show interest?

It's just not fair.

Cassie said...

I love it when you use words like 'vex'. Yeah, really no advice and is it so awful that I enjoy hearing about all these interludes so much that even though it's somewhat uncomfortable for you I'm loving reading about them. Oh what selfish girl I am. I have to live vicariously through someone.

Cardine said...

Oh, I should have read this last night.

I like how you said he looks fetching. THAT is a great way to put it.

I have no advice. I need yours.

julie said...

Framed and Aly, thanks for the moral support. I'm a little embarrassed that I need it at this point!

Missy, yes, redirection is a powerful force. It's a good thing we use it for good, not evil. I think you could be right about that. I had a silly crush on a guy for way too long because there wasn't anything else happening on that front. Unfortunately, nothing is happening on that front right now, so I guess I'll just have to keep fightin' temptation.

Sarah, good questions! Isn't it frustrating??? I agree, it isn't fair. Do we do this to them???

Cassie, thanks. I thought the word apt for the situation. I'm glad you enjoy reading about it. I enjoy telling about it (or else I wouldn't blog it for the whole world to read - if the whole world actually read my blog). So, don't feel selfish, I'm glad you enjoy it. And, I understand the living vicariously part - that's why I enjoyed hearing the updates about your ex-roommate and her boyfriend (now hubby). :)

Cardine, I emailed you. I should take my own advice. Sometimes it's easier to dish out than do myself. Good luck. May we both succeed.