Wednesday, September 10, 2008


*A post about my recent cruise is in the works. In the meantime, I thought I'd share with you something a little personal.

For the last few months, I've been struggling. Something happened awhile ago that just crushed me, and I haven't been able to get out from under it. I still find a lot of pleasure in life (especially while looking at the view outside my condo), but I can tell that I'm not the same happy person I usually am.

To totally mix metaphors, I also feel like I've been in a huge crater and can't get out. Actually, I haven't really been trying to get out. Instead, I'm standing in the middle of the crater at the edge of a huge abyss - so deep that all I can see is darkness. And, I've been preparing to jump.

It's been said that when you're at your lowest point you're potentially at you're most humble point, too, and so more receptive to divine guidance. I'm pretty sure I'm not at my lowest point (I'm sure it gets a whole lot worse than where I am), but I've been pretty low. Enter in the divine guidance.

Seriously, on Monday, the number of eye-opening, soul-revealing, getting-hit-with-a-2x4 experiences was a little overwhelming. One came because of a fight with a friend. I learned I need to trust people, especially men, more. Another came from a friend's blog that made me realize that I need to look for and believe in the good in myself (especially my appearance). I also really admire this person's ability to find beauty in others and I want to develop this quality in myself. I had an epiphany while driving Bertha and the Beast to a job (this won't surprise many of you - especially my mom); I need to be a more humble second-in-command at work. History and literature abound with stories of 2nds that get too big for their britches, I don't want to be this way. I want to be the loyal, faithful, helpful 2nd who lifts up her leader and helps him accomplish his goals.

Finally, I need to be a more unselfish friend, daughter, sister, etc. The last couple of days, many people in my life have shown me what it means to love, to be a good friend, to be a good person. They have been the ropes that helped me pull away from the abyss and that are helping me climb out of the crater. I know it may be a long climb, but I finally have the desire to climb and the hope that I can do it.

To all the ropes in my life, thank you. Thank you for your patience, for not giving up on me, for loving me, for helping me with the big stuff and the small stuff. You inspire me to be a better person.

I've always felt that the greatest blessings Heavenly Father has given me are the people in my life. The last couple days have proven it.


Anonymous said...

I love you, Julie!!!

Mellissa said...

Ditto to Sarah's comment. I'm sorry you've been going through some rough patches. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know. Maybe some tennis would help you out? You could laugh at me since it's been years since I've played.

Alyson said...

I love you too!! I should have driven up to see you on Monday night...I hope having lunch together was uplifting. I know I am always up lifted by YOUR presence...even when you are down; which I didn't even notice. I hope that's not because I'm unobservant. I had a great time at lunch and hope to see you again soon. Love you!!

Melissa said...

You are an insiration to me, do you know that?! You always seem to know what you need to do in your life to live and be a better person. Hope that you are able to "climb out of the crater". I would love to get togethere and have dinner one night, if you have a free night, let me know and we can plan something. Haave a Good one!

Melissa said...

Sorry about the spelling errors!! I was trying to hurry, because of the kidos. Sorry!

Cardine said...

You know, I'm starting to develop a theory about how after vacations come the crap. Seriously. Whenever I get back from vacation, there is always some serious emotional junk to go through.

I'm sorry you had such a rough time, but I'm glad that you're starting to feel better!

julie said...

Sarah, thanks. I really appreciated your phone call Monday and your email Tuesday. You're a great friend!

Melissa, ditto my comment about Sarah. I actually think tennis would be a lot of fun. I wouldn't have the energy to laugh at you - I'd be too tired from running all over the court trying to hit the ball! Talk about out of practice! :)

Alyson, you and Katie going out of your way to have a belated lunch with me meant the world to me! You are always great to hang out with and I have a hard time feeling down when I'm with you; hence why I didn't seem down - you're NOT unobservant! :) Thanks again for hanging out with me!

Melissa, thanks. I would love to have dinner, too! I'm not doing anything next week - pick a day that's good for you and we'll get together! And, hey, no apologies for spelling errors - I certianly make more than I care to admit!

Cardine, I hope your theory isn't true or else I'll start dreading vacations! That would be just horrible!

I love you guys, thanks for your friendship!

tearese said...

Awe, I love you and miss you Julie! Sorry it took me so long to find and read this post!

warnser said...

Ok, I know, I'm a little slow to comment. But I think it is pretty clear that you've got a lot of friends who really care about you.

Point number two.
I really believe that most of you're friends would count you as one of their ropes too. I know that I would without hesitation. We think you are an amazing person, and an awesome friend, thanks for all of it.
And good luck with that abyss