On Finding Love

I wasn't depressed, but I certainly wasn't ecstatic. In fact, I was a little nervous.

I had finally accepted that the single, age-appropriate guys in my life were either not interested in me that way or they were and weren't doing anything about it. Either way, the results were the same. I wasn't dating anyone.

The problem wasn't that I wasn't dating anyone but that it seemed like there was no one to date. I lived in a small town, but people get married in small towns all the time, and not just 18-21 year olds, so I didn't blame my town. I blamed my lifestyle. I worked in a small medical office where the patients tended to be quite a bit older than me (although I did date the only two age-appropriate patients we ever had, one of them for a few months even), I attended church where the only single guys were jail bait (under 18) or worm bait (old), and I had a pretty tight-knit group of friends. This group did include a few guys; however, please refer back to the previous paragraph.

Sitting at my work computer, after business hours, I typed my profile paragraph. How does one sum up who they are in a paragraph? How do you capture that wonderful personality, breath-taking sense of humor, and quirky looks in such a way as to attract the guy you're going to be with for the rest of your life? Okay, I didn't honestly believe I'd meet my future husband online. In fact, I was banking on it. The thought of spending a lifetime admitting to anyone who asked that we had met online wasn't appealing at all! Nope, all I wanted from this experience was to have a little fun, meet some good guys and maybe some crazies (but NO scaries), and maybe get some free meals/entertainment.

It wasn't until later that night that the possibility of no one being interested in my online profile occurred to me. What's worse than having a few guys not being interested? Having a whole world wide web of guys not be interested. Or so I thought. The next morning, I checked my online account and the only guy who had shown any interest had the worst grammar, spelling, and punctuation that I had ever seen in a post elementary school person. Not only that, but he sounded really, really weird. Great, I thought, the only men I attract online are weirdos.

Turns out, I got what I wanted from my online experience. I met and dated several really good guys, exchanged emails with a couple harmless crazies, and was treated to some great free food and entertainment. One guy even took me to a Cirque du Soleil show in Vegas, helping me cross an item off my Bucket List.

In addition to all that, I found Love. Heart-consuming, tears-of-joy-producing, mind-enhancing and befuddling Love. Love that is as quiet and gentle as a rain drop sliding off a flower petal. There is passion, but it goes deeper than passion. He is my best friend, the person that understands me almost as much as my mother does, though give him a couple years and he might surpass her. He enters my mind as soon as I wake up, and thoughts of him send me off to sleep every night. When he gathers me up into his arms, I feel peace and truly at home. I may not always be in a good mood when I'm around him, but he improves whatever mood I'm having; no matter how rotten I'm feeling or for whatever reason, being around him lightens my spirits. If I had to choose between him and a lifetime supply of free chocolate, I'd choose him and never regret the decision.

For a long time, I didn't want to ever get married. Then, when I started to want it, I felt sure I would never find a guy who would want to marry me that I would also want to marry. Steve came as a surprise, the best and most pleasant surprise imaginable. Being married to him feel as easy as being single was except now there's someone on the weekends to kill me at Wii Battleship. Today, we celebrate our 2nd Valentine's Day together; I hope it's the second of many, many more. He is my hero, my lover, my friend, my partner in goofiness, my sous chef, my bed warmer, and my husband. I love him with all my heart and am honored to be the one he chose to spend the rest of his life with.

On this Valentines Day, I hope you are surrounded by the people who love you and that you love. Or, if you're far away from the ones you love, I hope that you know that you are loved by them. Wouldn't it be great if we all took just a few moments to let the people in our lives know that they are loved by us?

Here's my Valentine to all of you, because I love you!

Happy Valentines Day!