Early Moments

My earliest memory is our car's dashboard as my parents rushed me to the hospital. I must have been laying in my mom's lap because I remember what the glove box and dashboard looked like. Don't ask what kind of car we had or its color - I don't remember. If I remember correctly, I was 2 years old and had swallowed a penny. There must have been some threat to my health, maybe I wasn't breathing. I just remember the glove box and dashboard and knowing I was going to see a doctor because something was wrong.

My second earliest memory is the first time I lied (to my knowledge). I was four-ish and I was helping my brother, J., get out of his crib. He, C., and I shared a room and J.'s crying was disturbing my sleep. Mom and Dad were out for the evening and our mean babysitter had put us to bed early. I don't remember anything else about the babysitter, just that she was "mean" and that she came in the room while I was helping J. out of the crib. She (angrily, I'm sure) asked what I was doing. Panicked, I stuttered that I was putting J. back in the crib. Now I'm not sure she believed me, but at the time I "learned" that adults were gullible.

I had my first boyfriend in first grade. His name was Jose and I really liked him and he really liked me (who wouldn't - I was adorable in first grade!). One day our class watched The Dark Crystal and I got scared. Jose put his arm around my shoulders to comfort me. I remember putting my head on his shoulder and thinking that I was going to marry him someday. He moved away from Vernal at some point, either during that year or just after. I was sad, of course. Then he moved back in fourth grade and I was so excited!! Unfortunately we had grown up and apart. I thought he was a jerk. Sigh. I wonder where Jose is now.

My first kiss came much, much, much later. This guy I had liked for years finally clued in and we started dating. One night we had gone on a double date with my friend and his cousin who were also dating. After the evening's events we parked in front of my house. We were in the front seat and our friends were in the back. Turning off the car, K put his arm around me and pulled me close and we cuddled for awhile. My eyes must have been closed because I didn't see him coming in for the kiss. I don't even really remember what the kiss felt like. I just remember something happening and when it was over I thought, I think he just kissed me! I was disappointed that I hadn't paid better attention. Fortunately, he followed up that kiss with another when he walked me to my door.

The first time I rode in an airplane was when I left for Montreal to serve my mission. I had seen so many people get to go down the walkway to board and I had always been jealous - they were getting to go somewhere. When my turn finally came, I was so excited that I didn't even feel very sad to be saying goodbye to my family. I was finally going somewhere!! First we (my fellow missionaries and I) flew to Chicago, had a short layover, then flew into Montreal. The other missionaries were all clumped together at the front of the economy section, while I sat near the rear. On the way to Chicago I sat with a nice man from Salt Lake who was going to Chicago on business. He wasn't LDS, but he knew a lot about our religion. He was very friendly. When we got to Chicago the other missionaries expressed their jealousy that I had been able to talk about the church practically the whole flight to a nonmember. It got better. On the flight to Montreal I sat next to a lovely, old gentleman from Montreal who was flying home. He introduced me to the joys of ginger ale. He wasn't LDS, either. I had a great conversation with him and as we deboarded from the plane I was able to give him a Book of Mormon (he asked for one!!!). It was the best possible first airplane ride one could ever hope for.

If I Had a Dollar for Every List I Make!

Okay! I'll submit! These cursed lists. Sigh. For others of this kind, please see cjane and cardine. I'm going to omit the last list (who I would want to do a list like this) and add one of my own. Just know that I'd like to read a list like this by everyone I know. Enjoy!

Things I want to do before I die:
1. Go to France
2. Run a marathon
3. See the Great Wall of China
4. Write a novel
5. Drive across the United States
6. Motorcycle across Europe
7. Sit in mud at a spa

Things I cannot do:
1. Fly
2. Write legibly with my left hand
3. See without corrective lenses
4. Reject a guy without making a fool of myself
5. Consume nothing but fruit juice for more than 3 days
6. Jump on a trampoline
7. Give up chocolate

Things that will attract me to my future spouse:
1. Smiles a lot
2. Avid reader
3. Kind of shy
4. Chivalrous
5. Good listener, good conversations
6. Honest and trustworthy
7. Likes me

Things I say often:
1. Possible, but not probable
2. Holy cow!
3. Holy canolli!
4. Thank you for calling Intermountain ______ _____, this is Julie
5. Ok
6. Excellent (a la Mr. Burns)
7. Please

I should say more: I'm sorry

Books currently reading/on my reading queue:
1. Old Testament (I'm the gospel doctrine teacher)
2. Something by Agatha Christie
3. The Bourne Ultimatum
4. The Bourne Legacy
5. Whatever I find at the library
6. Whatever I find at the library
7. Whatever I find at the library

Movies I could watch over and over:
1. While You Were Sleeping
2. Princess Bride
3. Hero
4. Father Goose
5. Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea
6. The originial Star Wars movies (Episodes IV, V, VI)
7. A&E's Pride and Prejudice

Things I'm afraid of:
1. Spiders
2. Spiders in the shower
3. Spiders in my bed
4. Losing my hair, teeth, hearing, vision
5. Not achieving my dreams
6. The dark
7. Death; not my own, but others'

There you have it. Hope you learned something, I did. I didn't realize I couldn't fly until I tried it this morning after breakfast. Hmm. Doesn't seem quite fair.

My New Privacy Policy

It occurred to me recently that I am an open book. I don't keep anything about myself private; every aspect of my life is told to someone. I keep some things from some people, but I tell them other things that I don't tell other people. Some people I tell practically everything and what I don't tell them I manage to tell someone else.

I realize that being an open book isn't necessarily a bad trait. It could be worse, I could be completely closed and secretive. I understand that I develop relationships with people through communication and that sharing parts of my life is a way to become closer with someone. That's all good.

The problem is that I can't seem to keep some things to myself. In the past few months there have been things that I have shared that I wish I hadn't; things that only I could understand because they were my feelings, something I had experienced that was special only to me, or just really personal. I'm reminded of a scripture, Luke 2:19, "But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart".

So, I'm still going to be quite open about myself and my life, but I'm going to keep some things to myself and just ponder them in my heart. I'm already improving; I have one thing (just one) that I haven't told anyone - not even my mother! I had a couple more, but I ended up telling her on the way to Vernal this past weekend.

Title-Schmitle: I REFUSE to be Limited!

Oh, what do you do in the summertime, when all the world is green?
Do you sit by a stream, and lazily dream, while clouds go rolling by?
Is that what you do? So do I.

Since graduating I've read 7 books; all of them had over 500 pages. With all 7 I felt an absolute compulsion to read until finished. When I was at work I couldn't wait to get home to get back to reading. I didn't want to play with my friends, see my family, or even sleep until I was done. I hate putting a book down until I've finished it, even if it's a book I've read before - though the compulsion isn't as strong; unless it's a mystery, then it doesn't matter how many times I've read it or that I already know "who dunnit".

I realized that with all the reading I was doing I was spending a lot of time cooped up in my apartment. So, I started going to the park. I would spread out a blanket beneath a tree and read to my heart's content. One time I looked up at the tree and saw one of the prettiest sights I can remember. Another time I put my book down for a moment to watch the clouds go rolling by. I love picking out shapes and figures in the clouds. When I was a kid my cousins and I had a game where we would pretend the clouds were food items. We'd create a magnificent feast from those clouds. Aly, do you remember?

So, I've decided to stay put. I'm not moving and I'm not getting a new job. Actually, I may get an additional job, but I'll stay at my current job, too. I really want to pay off my car and student loans a.s.a.p., and a second job would certainly help me do it. My sister-in-law, Ree, works at Home Depot and suggested I apply there. I did. I'm not really qualified - I know nothing about home decorating or remodeling. On the other hand, I'm a quick learner and very friendly. They'd be fools not to hire me! If I don't get a second job, I'll be fine financially, but what will I do with all that free time!? Tee hee.

Last night I attended my nephew's preschool "graduation". It was so fun! I wish my graduation had been so enjoyable. All the kids were so adorable! They sang songs and danced a bit. There was this one little girl who almost made me start thinking it wouldn't be so bad to have a child of my own. Almost. A couple from my ward was there watching their oldest son graduate. We talked a bit and laughed at some of their son's antics during the program. I thought how much I like the members of my ward. They are so friendly! I feel like I belong. It's one of the reasons I decided to stay put. My family is another. My little niece and nephews are so cute and fun to be around. I treasure my relationship with them.

Of course, now that I've made the decision to stay at my job, all heck breaks loose. I've become totally destructive. Yesterday I broke someone's ear mold (a part of their hearing aid) and almost broke L's computer, and today I broke someone's ear hook (a part of their hearing aid). Sigh. I may not have a job much longer if I keep this up! No, fortunately I have a wonderful boss who just makes fun of me (gently) when I do things like that. He's a good man. He and L are the other reason I'm staying.

Now, don't give me a hard time if I change my mind. I figure this decision has a short shelf-life, and I may have to remake it every few months. Until then, though, it feels good to have made a decison.

Flowers: I love Them; They just aren't too Keen on Me

TODAY I daydreamed about getting flowers delivered to me at work. It's not too far-fetched. I had a boyfriend that actually did it! That was great. I still get happy when I think about it. Once I had a boyfriend who ordered flowers to be sent to me at work, but he canceled the order the next day because I broke up with him. I should have waited! I love getting flowers. My coworker gave me a beautiful bouquet of white daisies and red roses for my graduation and I was tickled pink! (Get it?!?!) My heart does happy jumps when someone gives me flowers and my cheeks tingle. I want my apartment to be simply cluttered with flowers - preferrably fresh, carefully picked from my flower garden, but realistically, they'd have to be fake.

You see, I love flowers, but they don't love me. I can't Grow them! Last summer when my roommate, Angel, went to Hawaii for a week, her flowers almost didn't make it. They did okay at first. By day 4 they started to slouch a bit. When she got home I was about to give them mouth-to-mouth. As soon as they saw her they started to cry with relief. I swear I did everything she told me to do! Can I help it that my thumbs are black? I once tried to get a thumb transplant, but my body rejects green appendages as standard procedure. My current roomie is planning on planting some flowers outside our apartment. I wished her luck and warned her not to count on my help if she wanted the flowers to grow and flourish.

So, I'll just keep daydreaming about receiving a huge bouquet of flowers at work. In case you're considering it, calla lilies are my favorite - but I'd be thrilled with any!

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

I have a sneaking suspicion that my life is about to change.

There have been a couple hints to support this suspicion: I graduated from college last weekend. I'll pause while you wake up from your faint... I won't go into details about graduation, if you want them you'll have to steal my diary or call me. I'll just say that finishing school makes me feel like the world has finally opened up and I'm free to do whatever I want (within reason) and go wherever I want (without reason). Inexplicably, Providence, Rhode Island keeps popping up in my head as a possible future residence. I'm also lightly considering getting a Masters in Statistics. We'll see. If nothing else, graduating has changed my evenings. No more homework, study groups, or cramming for tests! Just lots of time for reading. :)

Another possible (probable?) change: my roommate moving. Not just out of our apartment, but out of our town. As a friend, I'm excited for her to be making this change and sad that I won't see her as often. As a roommate, I'm thinking about the pros and cons of having the apartment to myself. I can afford it, but do I want to afford it? Would I want a new roommate? NO! Maybe I'll be able to find a cheaper, one-bedroom apartment in my same ward, close to my work. Hmm. Probable? Maybe my mom will let me move back in with her?! Hmm. Even if she did (improbable), it's not something I'm going to consider unless it's for only a month so I can prepare to move to Providence, Rhode Island.

Minor change: I got a new calling in my ward. I'm the gospel doctrine teacher. This Sunday is my first lesson. I love teaching and I look forward to learning more about the Old Testament. It will also help me get to know the people in my ward. So far I've really enjoyed this ward. I feel like everyone is so concerned about me feeling like I don't fit in that they try hard to make me feel like I belong. They are very friendly, not just for the first couple weeks but every time they see me. One of ladies I'm becoming friends with has 6 kids, was raised Jewish before her mom converted to Catholicism, and is now in the middle of a painful divorce. We giggle together in Relief Society and she always invites me to sit with her and her kids for sacrament meeting. If only I could remember her name!!

Actually, this ward and my new calling adds to the list of reasons to stay where I am. It's been awhile since I've enjoyed my ward as I do now. Add that to a job I like and being close to my family, and there are serious reasons to stay here. There are good reasons to move, too. Which set of reasons weighs more? I'm not sure. I'm not going to try not to worry about it. I trust that if and when the time is right to move, I'll know and will do it. Until then, I'm going to enjoy what I have and not go chasing rainbows. That in itself is a big change!