To be completely forthright, this post will not detail what I’ve been doing lately to get ready to move.
I haven’t done anything.
Seriously. Remember how I said last time that I was going to work on resumés? I didn’t. I haven’t even taken the time to ponder places I’d like to live. I’ve done nothing.
Nope, this post is devoted to my boss. That man is bound and determined to make it extremely difficult for me to leave. Darn him!
Last week we painted our lobby and front office. When my coworker left at 2pm on Friday (she leaves at that time every day), my boss decided it was the perfect time to discuss my “fate”, as he put it. I couldn’t escape it, but I certainly dragged my feet. To be fair, he’s been really concerned about me lately. He’s a good friend, almost like a brother. He wanted to discuss why I’d been unhappy for so long. He wanted to talk about my feelings, my goals, my dreams, my hopes, etc. I know, how totally un-stereotypical of a man! He’s good at having deep conversations. We’ve had a lot of them while I’ve worked for him. He told me his wife had chewed him out a bit because he had never taken the time to ask me why I want to move away. So, he asked.
I gave him a few of my reasons; adventures, new experiences, new places, new people, growth, see the world, make a difference, having no regrets. For each reason I gave, he tried to come up with a way for me to accomplish them while staying here. Sigh. He actually came up with some good ideas, but a) I seriously wonder if he’d ever implement them (like going to 3rd world countries and fitting the less-fortunate with hearing aids) and b) I’m not asking him to help me accomplish my goals and dreams. Again, he has good intentions, but having him say that’s he willing to do almost anything to get me to stay really makes it hard to leave.
Today, he admitted that he’s hoping that things work out with Aaron so I’ll stay. It’s the main reason he’s setting us up. Of course, he added, he wants me to be happy, but that’s secondary to getting me to stay.
See what I’m dealing with???
Don’t get me wrong; I’m tickled pink that he thinks so highly of me as a person, as a friend, as an employee, and as a potential partner (his idea, not mine). Though it’d make leaving easier, I certainly don’t want him to think good riddance! when I leave. I’m just asking for a little middle ground.
The problem is, it’s going to be hard to leave even without his pestering. I have a good life here; a good job, good friends, a good family, a good apartment, a good thesaurus; I’m content. As I get older, I find that it’s harder to leave, to dare to take those adventures, to pursue my dreams. That makes me want to leave even more because I don’t want to stay here because it’s easier to stay. I’d only want to stay if it’s the right thing for me to do. And I’m not sure it is.
And, I’m never going to move if I don’t get cracking on those resumés!! Sigh.