Thursday, September 27, 2007

The Next Big Adventure - 2

To be completely forthright, this post will not detail what I’ve been doing lately to get ready to move.

I haven’t done anything.

Seriously. Remember how I said last time that I was going to work on resumés? I didn’t. I haven’t even taken the time to ponder places I’d like to live. I’ve done nothing.

Nope, this post is devoted to my boss. That man is bound and determined to make it extremely difficult for me to leave. Darn him!

Last week we painted our lobby and front office. When my coworker left at 2pm on Friday (she leaves at that time every day), my boss decided it was the perfect time to discuss my “fate”, as he put it. I couldn’t escape it, but I certainly dragged my feet. To be fair, he’s been really concerned about me lately. He’s a good friend, almost like a brother. He wanted to discuss why I’d been unhappy for so long. He wanted to talk about my feelings, my goals, my dreams, my hopes, etc. I know, how totally un-stereotypical of a man! He’s good at having deep conversations. We’ve had a lot of them while I’ve worked for him. He told me his wife had chewed him out a bit because he had never taken the time to ask me why I want to move away. So, he asked.

I gave him a few of my reasons; adventures, new experiences, new places, new people, growth, see the world, make a difference, having no regrets. For each reason I gave, he tried to come up with a way for me to accomplish them while staying here. Sigh. He actually came up with some good ideas, but a) I seriously wonder if he’d ever implement them (like going to 3rd world countries and fitting the less-fortunate with hearing aids) and b) I’m not asking him to help me accomplish my goals and dreams. Again, he has good intentions, but having him say that’s he willing to do almost anything to get me to stay really makes it hard to leave.

Today, he admitted that he’s hoping that things work out with Aaron so I’ll stay. It’s the main reason he’s setting us up. Of course, he added, he wants me to be happy, but that’s secondary to getting me to stay.

See what I’m dealing with???

Don’t get me wrong; I’m tickled pink that he thinks so highly of me as a person, as a friend, as an employee, and as a potential partner (his idea, not mine). Though it’d make leaving easier, I certainly don’t want him to think good riddance! when I leave. I’m just asking for a little middle ground.

The problem is, it’s going to be hard to leave even without his pestering. I have a good life here; a good job, good friends, a good family, a good apartment, a good thesaurus; I’m content. As I get older, I find that it’s harder to leave, to dare to take those adventures, to pursue my dreams. That makes me want to leave even more because I don’t want to stay here because it’s easier to stay. I’d only want to stay if it’s the right thing for me to do. And I’m not sure it is.

And, I’m never going to move if I don’t get cracking on those resumés!! Sigh.


Alyson said...

Boy! He does sound ever more determined. I hope you can get some work done on your resumes. Set a deadline for yourself and think of it as homework. :)

Jason and Rachel said...

First of all, I would like to say that the man is crazy. He just needs to give you a bunch of stuff (i.e. a lot of money, insurance, and other benefits).

Lastly, I wanted to let you know that I added a new post to my blog. Now you can be happy for the next month until I add another one. ha ha ha

Mo Bloggin' said...

Hey, just thought that you would like to come see my new blog. I'm sure you can figure out who I am. :)

tearese said...

Thats how I was feeling when I moved. Like it was getting harder to find reasons to move, but I wasn't happy where I was. The only thing I could think of was school, so I looked at schools in parts of the country I would like to live. I emailed my cousins on Bainbridge just to ask about the area, when they gave me the oportunity to move there.
IF they hadn't done that, I would have never dared to be there on my own! And obviously, I never ended up going to school there.
I just needed to get away!
Maybe something will fall into your lap like that too, if you start looking.
Or maybe not.

Cardine said...

You know, it's really easy to just do nothing and stay where you are. Trust me. It is.

But then I think about the gleam that's in your eye when you talk about living in other places and having different experiences, and I wonder why you're still here.

It sounds like you're in one of those abusive relationships where you want to leave but then the other person uses sweet words to convince you to stay, even though it's not what you want. Did I really just say that? Yes. Yes, I did.

c jane said...

I know how he feels to lose you, because you are the best person to be around. Something about you instills confidence in other people. I am still not over our parting . . .